Life is getting more and more lonely and I have nobody to share this with. I dont know how to heal while I am in a lonely environment with no support.
I found out what makes me fullfilled now, and thats sharing love with people. I love people, i love friends, i love kind “good mornings” at the grocery store. I love kindness, but i dont see it often.
What happened? Everytime i become friends with somebody its all good for a few months before things naturally fizzle out. I always have to be the one to reach out, if i dont, nobody calls.
I feel like i dont want to be here, i want to go somewhere else where my presence is at least acknowledged. Im a hurt kid in a young adult’s body.
The bestest friend I had stabbed me in the back for her selfish satisfactory, and my sadness has prevailed ever since. I dont share my feelings with anyone and nobody knows about my personal life and trauma, but everytime i feel like im losing a friend, its like a tiny piece of my heart has ran away with them. I wish someone would call to at least say Hi how are you, or text me something, anything,or even sit on a bench in a park. I love someone’s presence next to me, i talk to elderly people on the daily and its scary how much we relate in terms of loneliness and experience with disappointment from people.
I feel like im wasting my life, i just want a friend and healthy behavior.
The repeating reason why they leave me is because their old partner has come back, or their other friends have finally made time for them, i feel like a replacement. People love me because i provide the warmth, they take it and leave with someone else. Im just so sad, i need kind words too sometimes.
I just give give give till I am drained and nobody’s around :((((((((((((((((
Please refrain from the “go to therapy comments”. I am in therapy, but the lonely void will forever be with me.
TL:DR: Nobody reaches out unless I do first, im so lonely