Ended a friendship. Did I do the right thing?
Hello, men of reddit, i could use some ‘guyly’ advice. For background, I am female 51 single and looking for a relationship. I have a friend who I have known for 25 years who has been in and out of my life both as a friend and a lover. We reconnected a few year’s back and ending up sleeping together and met up for a week long vacation. And yes, I caught feelings. This has happened before. Ended up distancing myself for several months as he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship.
After that break, we’ve reconnected and message frequently (we are in different countries). It get occasionally flirty and sometimes things are said that indicates interest in me (my feeling wax and wane depending on my life situation). Anyway, about a week ago, his messaging turned terse and I could tell something was up, so I inquired and he said he’d tell me all the details later, but essentially that he got back together with an ex, but had a blowout with her that was apparently ugly and he ended it.
I was stunned by this news, as I had no clue at all he was pursuing things. He’d previously indicated that he wasn’t that into her, but that seems not to be true. I told him that the level of disrespect for the women in his life was astounding. That his messaging with me was not OK and I presumed (correctly) that it was being hidden from her and that I didn’t appreciate being a mechanism of dishonestly and his actions showed a lack of regard for his (ex) partner and for me.
He said he felt like our messaging was quite innocent and harmless, and that he didn’t intend it to be more than just harmless flirty fun. I told him that I was no longer interested in being part of some world he’d built in his head at the expense of others in his reality. I also feel though that the real reason I am upset maybe my ego. So, men of reddit, did I do the right thing but cutting him off completely? Part of me feels badly because my friend needs support right now, and I feel as if I dogpiled him a bit.
I miss my friend
I miss my travel companion
And yes, I miss my lover
Any advice?