I’m a man in my early 30s who consistently struggles with inserting my penis for vaginal sex.
This clumsiness has created a negative feedback loop and performance anxiety. During sex, I have one or two attempts before the situation disrupts my erection. After months of avoiding penetrative sex altogether, I’m interested in adding this back into my experiences with partners.
I haven’t had much lucking with Googling around for help. It seems to be such a basic and obvious thing to everyone else that it’s assumed no explanation is necessary. But for whatever reason, the geometry isn’t working here.
I’m looking for tactical advice: anything that’s constructive is welcome, no matter how seemingly obvious it may be. This is such a simple thing, I’ll be relieved to have that light bulb moment and move on.
**Some background information**
* I was a sexual “late bloomer” (mid-20s) after a deeply religious upbringing.
* During a “mid-term” (1.5 years) relationship, this was rarely an issue although we were limited in which positions we tried.
* I’m average in penis size.
* I’m generally familiar with anatomy (aside from underestimating how “low” I need to go, maybe?).
* I’ve typically engaged in at least 15 minutes (often way more) of foreplay before attempting penetration.
**A few things I’ve tried so far**
* Tilting my partner’s hips on a pillow
* Running my penis across the vulva first
* Asking for help
**I’d love to get some tactical advice for what things I might do to make insertion simpler and easier.** I’m not sure if I’m positioned too far from my partner, if my brain just completely turns off in the moment, if the placement or angle are simply off, if I need to be spreading my partner’s labia when penetrating… Gotta find the puzzle piece that’s missing here.
I’d love to hear from anybody who has worked through this in the past (personally or with their partner) or might be going through something similar.
Thanks in advance for any input! And like I mentioned before, nothing is “too simple” or “too obvious.” I’m ready to get this figured out!