Hello everyone. I have been in LDR of some sort for almost 2 years now (though it’s been on/off and we haven’t talked consistently). We met here and saw that get along really well and cannot stop talking almost all day on video chat if we begin to talk. We live in different continents. We aren’t an official couple and don’t want to be one till we meet. My friends and his family knows this situation too but they don’t want us to rush either.
I am more of a hopeless romantic kind of person and for me if there is love and determination, everything can be handled. But he has his other priorities like earning money, etc. understandbly and I like how he behaves logically and strategically contrary to me lol. For this reason he wanted to stop talking several times not to get attached because we were both beyond broke. Then we went on living as usual, sometimes he texting me and sometimes me texting him. At one point I thought that he forgot me as we didn’t talk so long and I dated someone for a really short time here and he also said to have had one night stands there. He was the one texting me this time and explained saying that he was insecure and afraid of me cheating or seeing others, and as he couldn’t meet me he just wanted to cut contact for some time and let me ”free”.
Anyway since then I relocated to another city, had a stable job and earned more money and he did similar too, so now it is not really that impossible for us to meet.
The problem is that he works remote and time difference is really difficult, first he wanted to come here but due to feeling not safe and still questioning me and this time difference and his work, he wanted me to visit him saying he will share the costs, etc. I was a bit reluctant too for similar reasons then I thought why not, as I have also been learning his language before meeting him too and I really want to see him and not have regrets in the future. So we are thinking of meeting each other this summer, it will be a bit draining financially but the real issue is that me getting in his country is a bit difficult visa-wise and I don’t want to risk getting sent back at the airport.
I suggested that we could meet in a closer country to him where I wouldn’t need visa but he doesn’t want that too saying he cannot trust anyone fully and doesn’t think we are at the level to travel like that and I guess first wants to see how committed and serious I am to get attached to me.
Finding direct flights is messed up too and I need transit visa, so I suggested meeting in another city and said I was ready to buy the ticket but he also didn’t want that saying we shouldn’t rush.
He seems really genuine and interested in me while we are chatting for hours and hours almost the whole day and says he wants to meet me as well and doesn’t give up either even though he cannot trust me or the process as much as I do. He even suggests that maybe we should just stop talking till we meet in summer not to stress over this that much. I am the opposite and think that this emotional distance is harmful.
He is just so afraid that I could be seeing other guys and I am thinking of getting my master’s and he even got a bit jealous of this saying I could meet someone there. I am trying my best to convince him but this is draining. When I get distant or seem like being about to cut off contact, he doesn’t want to lose me either.
For me, either there is a goal or not and either someone wants to do something or not. I don’t like undecisiveness and doubts this much. I got cheated on in the past too but don’t obssess over as much as he does. I know he had a difficult past but so did I.
We talk regularly at least a day every week but then sometimes I question the whole situation thinking if this will ever work even if we meet and even if he is convinced that I am really into him and reliable, because it seems like he may find new ”excuses”. I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to give up but then if I am the only one this eager, will this not tire me too much to the point of resentment? He works for it too but it seems like I am more eager.
While I am writing this, I seem so desperate ik, and just need some advices.
Thank you.
TL;DR! I met someone here and we get along really well but he doesn’t seem to be as eager as me. I don’t know if I should give up.