I’m a 35-guy from The Netherlands and ever since I can remember I’ve been having issues being social (not a pleasant youth, but that’s behind me and I believe I’ve processed it). It’s not that I don’t talk at parties or any type of social event, but I’m just too good at being alone when I’m not at such an event.
Even though I do want to have contact with some people (for instance one of my two stepbrothers, or a female friend I already have for more than 10 years), whenever I’m alone there is no trigger in me that tells me to start a conversation with someone and even when I set a reminder in my phone I don’t do it. Sometimes because I’m busy and think to myself “I’ll do it later” and in the end don’t do it anyway. Sometimes because I don’t feel like messaging at that moment and other times I just plainly have no reason for not messaging.
I’m fortunate to have some friends that stuck with me even if I don’t initiate contact with them, but I can imagine they’ll eventually just stop that, I’ll ask them what’s wrong because I haven’t heard from them in a long time, and I’m being told they stopped putting effort in the friendship because I don’t put effort in it myself.
I know friendship has to come from two sides, and I want to invest time in those friendship. But I need some sort of trigger because that trigger doesn’t come from within me. Though I prefer it would come from within so it would feel natural, it clearly isn’t working. I can’t be the only one with this issue. Have people had this before? If so, what did you do to get better at initiating contact? I’ve been to a psychologist twice (not only for this, but it was always one of the reasons), but it never really helped.