Hi, firstly I apologise in advance if this post is a bit all over the place. I’m not in the best headspace at the moment.
For back story, my (f33) husband (m30) and I moved from one part of the country (we are in South Africa), to another in March 2022. It was a rough move to say the least. We were given my Granny’s house when she moved to a old age home (she has sever dementia and needs care). However when we arrived we found out that her nephew had moved in and refused to leave. Long story short we were finally able to get him out in September 2022. But it caused a lot of stress and depression for us both living in that situation.
Fast forward to present. I thoght we were doing really well as a couple, got married in April 2023 (together since 2017). Finally in a better headspace having our space to ourselves again, he got a job in Oct 2022. We still live paycheck to paycheck but we make it work.
This morning we had a huge fight that happened out of nowhere. We were sitting on the couch watching memes on YT. He starting chatting about random stuff: how good last night was with just the 2 of us having a braai (my dad and brother were with us for Christmas), just general stuff. Then somehow it turned to how he “despises” me for not pushing him to make more of his life and be more successful. I was shocked by this and started to tear up. He got annoyed and said “why do you have to cry now?”.
I asked him to explain what he meant. He says that he despises me for not pushing him even though he’s asked me to. This is true, he has asked me before to push him to do things. But when I ask what, he just says “anything”. I have told him previously that I do not feel comfortable doing that. I cannot be the reason he gets motivated to do things. I do not think it’s fair to put that on me. He will grow to resent me. He Hates when I “mother” him (by making him lunch every morning, making sure his uniform is ironed, checking in and asking if he’s okay, etc). Then to me by that logic, I would be mothering him even more.
Am I wrong? How am I supposed to motivate him i to doing things he doesn’t even know he wants to do?
I feel So incredibly hurt that the person I love the most, despises me. Where do I go from here? How do we stay married knowing how he feels?
Just need some perspective here. If more onfo is needed please let me know. Sorry for the crazy rant, I just don’t know where else to turn