The Issue:
For the last 3 years, I have been struggling to live happily, Mainly it’s been my eyes not ‘absorbing’ everything around me, feeling like I am not there and out of place.
Everything around me doesn’t feel ‘real’ enough for me to absorb it. This has caused me to feel out of place and it makes me afraid that I’m not ‘living’ how I should be, even though I have a typically happy life. I understand the struggles people have to deal with every day, and that’s why I don’t know why I’m feeling so out of touch.
What caused the issue (I think):
I assume this depersonalised feeling is a symptom of school. Before I graduated, I wanted school to be over. This is because of a bad experience I had some years prior, where my toxic friends I had for years decided that I didn’t fit in with them (mainly because I never supported their bad decisions), so they created blatantly fake accusations and assumptions about me and my personal life to everyone I know, making me feel displaced and alone.
Why the issue is still happening:
I’m in my holiday period after graduation, but I can’t relax. I still feel out of place and alone even though I have a loving family who I love. I have recently tried to pick up some good habits thinking they would help, such as walking/jogging and using the gym, but I still feel like everything around me isn’t real, and it’s making me feel depressed.
Thank you for reading this, I know it’s probably really common and simple. I have tried researching it and all I see is “depersonalisation”, but it’s caused by issues like PTSD, which I assume I don’t have.
P.s I posed this here on r/socialskills because it is affecting me in pretty much all aspects of my life, so I don’t see it as primarily a mental or self harm related issue.