I am a SAHM, and the nature of our relationship has become such that he goes to work and I do everything else. He hasn’t personally shopped for a Christmas gift or birthday gift for the kids ever. It’s always me putting everything together and writing his name on the gift. I sent Xmas cards to all of his family with gift cards… I wrote in them and signed them. I bought all the wrapping paper. I bought the tape. I wrapped all the gifts. I bought the gift bags, the name tags, the tissue paper. I bought two different sets of wrapping paper so our isn’t the same as “Santa’s” wrapping paper. I came up with the gifts to buy. I unboxed everything, and I assembled the drum set. I also had to get extension cords for Xmas lights, fix burnt bulbs,put up the tree, find the stockings, etc. It’s impossible to list the amount of things I have to think of and remember in a typical day, let alone during Xmas or birthdays. Aside from all the extras, I am attending Christmas recitals, dentist appointments (end-of-year you have to cash in on benefits or you lost them), im still buying all the groceries, planning and cooking all the meals, doing household chores, etc. It’s overwhelming and a lot to remember.
For many years now, I have just sent my husband links to things I like so that he can just click it and buy it. I found out the hard way that if I don’t help him choose a gift for me I will get flowers from the grocery store on his way home from work. In the last year or so, he has made more of an effort and has also taken our kids to pick out gifts for me on Mother’s Day and Christmas. I definitely appreciate the thought.
This year, for his birthday (September) I bought him an electric skateboard that cost $500. He was thrilled with it at first, but hasn’t ridden it since around Halloween. It was pretty expensive just to be used for a month. For Christmas, I admittedly didn’t have any great ideas to gift him. He has a truck that has a “tailgate,” but the tailgate is screwed on; it doesn’t fold up or down because it doesn’t have the mechanical parts. For example: if we buy lumber at Lowe’s he has to remove the tailgate with a power tool because it’s bolted or screwed onto the body. So I had the idea to buy him the mechanical parts for the tailgate. We have owned this truck 8 or 9 years now, and it is no longer his primary vehicle since about a year ago.
I ordered the parts December 7, and it said 7-10 days shipping. After a few days, I asked for a tracking number and got the response the tracking number is auto generated when it ships, so this means it hasn’t shipped yet. I kept following up, and a few days before Christmas I had to tell him that I didn’t think his gift would arrive in time. I bought another gift, but it was something we open in private not in front of the kids. So Christmas comes, and I never did receive his gift and as I write this, I still haven’t received it or even a tracking number.
Christmas came and went. It got brought up last night and he was really pissed at me. I tried to explain to him that I did my best. It wasn’t like he was an afterthought. I did give myself time. It’s not my fault it didn’t get shipped. I didn’t forget about him. I was emailing them several days a week about shipping. He said I should have bought him a back up gift, and I defended myself saying that I did. He then scoffed at the back up gift.
I feel really bad about it, but it also isn’t my fault. It was out of my control. It’s not like I forgot about him. I feel like he has it so easy. All he had to do is click a link and hit “buy.” He didn’t have to come up with a gift on his own; I did. Nobody told me what to buy. I also had other people to think about like the kids and his family. I have so much to think about and so much to remember and I still tried my best but he’s making me feel like a jerk about it.
Was I wrong? Did I F-up?