I (30) met my girlfriend (C 25) online initially maybe 3 years ago, I live in Australia and C lives in the US. C and I did not initially hit it off but we had a brief relationship for maybe 6 months not long after meeting. She broke it off not being ready for a serious relationship as she was dealing with some mental health issues and has since been medicated for ADHD and Bipolar. I moved on and saw a lady in person for maybe 6-8 months happily which fizzled out and remained single for about a year after that. C more or less did the same and we found each other a in mid 2023 and really hit it off. She was fast friends with all of my friends and had been since before we initially met. My friend (CH 30) had booked a trip to America to tour and see the basketball and generally see the country late in the year and made a point of making time to stop by and see C (CH is from my home town). Initially I was happy she would get to see one of in person and I decided that if I really wanted to make this relationship work I needed to meet her in person. In August I checked some flights and found one in November that I could book for an insanely cheap and it so happened to be before CH. I was elated and we were both excited.
A few weeks before I had booked the trip C came and told me that CH had admitted that he had feelings for her. She had told me that she explained that we were dating as we were keeping things quiet about our relationship and he accepted it and spoke to me about it afterwards. He said that he respected our relationship and would take some space and kill off the feelings. With that behind us CH a few friends and I had a 30th birthday trip away and spent quality time as a friends group.
When I got to the US her and I booked an air bnb and spent a week and change in a cloud of love doing everything that we had both been wanting to do and couldn’t online. We solidified the relationship and I truly believe she is the one for me. We both communicated well, have great sexual chemistry, have a love of similar things and shared common goals and values. Nobody in my life has truly treated me with as much kindness and affection as she had, it was as if I could do no wrong in her eyes and I did my best to do the same for her. I was ecstatic, but too soon I had to leave. We made plans shortly after I got home for her to come to Australia on a working visa with the intention for her to live with me and eventually immigrate if things kept going smoothly.
Fast forwards to December and she and CH were organising their meet. CH was true to his word and he and C were completely platonic. He had invited his brother to go on the trip and the three of them were picking hotels and events. They decided on New York for new years and Disney land in Orlando. C told me several times during the planning that if I was unsure or didnt feel comfortable with it then I could say so and she would call it off. Me being secure in my friend and trusting her completely gave he the go ahead and they shot off to have a vacation. I got a few messaged from her and could see that she was in a state of mania and having a blast.
I get a message on the 3rd of January saying that her and I needed to talk and lo and behold they had done everything but penetration. From what I have gathered CH had confessed his feeling for her in a big way. Had declared his love and said that he felt that I had swept her from me and he was willing to move there to be with her. They had spent the night in the same bed but had done nothing with one another. That morning they had fooled around for all of 10 minutes then realised they fucked up. That same afternoon I got a message from her and I naturally flew off the handle. I spewed as much venom as I could at them and demanded to know why etc.
its been two day since and Ive calmed down. I want to give her a chance to work at it. Its been truly the best relationship I have ever had and surely its not worth throwing it all away over a 10 minute fuckup. Not when CH seems to be the main perpetrator. She is currently confused and distraught. She has told me she loves CH but is not sure about it and still has overwhelming feelings for me. Shes looking at leaving and going home to figure out her mental state and give me an honest answer.
Reddit should I break up with her or try and make it work? Until now I’ve had 5 or 6 long term relationships and none have made me feel as complete or fulfilled as this one had. I want to make this work but am I just bottoming on self esteem and self respect?
TLDR
Friend confessed feelings for my neurospicy girl and went on a holiday where he love bombed her. They fooled around and she thinks she may love him but still loves me.
Edit: Added a more clear question for advice.