My boyfriend and I have been together since Feb 2023, (My parents are unaware of it) and we both belong to South Asian households.
It’s a culture here that women HAVE to be married after they’re done with studies. Or else you’re looked as an odd one out or forcefully married in some arranged setting with some random guy that your parents deem worthy.
Now since I am done with my studies, my parents brought up the topic of marriage that they’ll start looking for a guy for me. (This happened around July or so). My boyfriend however always hated marriages and being married due to some personal problems and all but was only willing to get engaged and marry me after some 2-3 years when he finally settles out of country and gets a well earning job.
I agreed to his condition and started my postgrad – studies in order to delay the whole marriage shtick till 2025 and to give him more time. But life does its thing and my parents bring up the marriage stuff again.
I managed to convince my boyfriend into atleast getting engaged this year and telling our parents about us and our relationship and marrying after he settles but he then gives a few “conditions/values” on which he’ll actually marry me. (Which should have been done before but anyways.) He said the following.
1. He’ll live as his own individual person even after marriage and as long as it doesn’t affect me, he can do whatever he wants. And I can only stop him if I am able to communicate him logically out of it. (An extreme example he gave was: if he shoplifts from a shop, assuming there are no consequences and the store owner doesn’t care.)
2. Our finances will be totally seperate as well and I should earn enough to fend off for myself for food, bills etc and he will do the same. But if we ever have kids we’ll share the finances for the kid then.
3. And if I ever became a burden or held him back, he’ll leave me. (Like if I ever stopped earning for myself and refused to work)
I am very unsure about the marriage from these conditions now as to me this seems like a very “forever roommates who like to sleep together every now and then” sort of situation.
Please advise me whether I should continue this on and marry him or break it off? Since I’ll have to make this decision sooner or later and I would rather have a move on period before the whole arranged setting stuff happens if it even does.
Edit: adding to the burden part, he would try to motivate me to work and all than just getting up and leaving.