I (29F) and my Boyfriend (31M) have been together 5 years, living together 3 years. A year or so into the relationship, I got a Facebook message from a few girls saying that he was talking to them and saying we weren’t dating. I confronted him about it and he said “Since we had been fighting, I was practicing saying I was single in case we broke up.”
Another instance, I was using his PC to play an online game and he happened to leave his Facebook open. He had a chat window open. He was talking to an ex and saying how much he “Craved her”. I confronted him again and he said “We were just joking around.”
Two years ago I was studying in Japan and I got a message from a friend (let’s call him Jason) that said my bf had been on a date with one of Jason’s friends. Jason then showed me screenshots of him talking to his friend about my bf and how my bf said “They weren’t dating but taking it slow.” He urged me to break up with him. I again confronted my bf about it and he said she was lying and they just were hanging out and getting drinks and that he said he had a gf and she was in Japan.
I found the grindr app on his phone and I saw him talking sexual to other men (he is bi). I, once again, confronted him about it and he said he “just wanted to see if he was still attracted to men”.
When talks of marriage come up, he either avoids the question or he says he has anxiety about marriage. But on the same hand, he wants to have kids with me.
I just got accepted into my dream school in Tokyo and I really want to go. My bf said he will not do long distance and that if I go, we will break up. He also said to me that I’m being selfish, that he “bought this house for me” and “He works a job he hates for me”. He then called me selfish b-word. He then says that he was “going to propose to me on Valentine’s day”. I think he’s full of crap. All of my friends and family are so happy for me and they have all urged me multiple times to leave him. My grandma said I could live with her until I leave and that she would also stay with me in Japan for a month while I get settled (I love her so much). Am I selfish for wanting to leave a 5 year relationship and follow my heart?
TL;DR Been cheated on for 5 years. I want to move to Japan. Boyfriend is making me feel guilty. Should I stay or should I go?