Hello,
2023 had been a doozy for me. While I had a lot of good things done for my career and a great promotion, I’ve struggled so hard in terms of relationships. My relationship with my mother is burning, I was cheated on in a short relationship I had earlier in the year by someone in a friend group i joined for gamer purposes and even earlier was stalked by another guy in that group. I since left and just focused on myself, I still struggle a lot with boundaries and I recently put myself back on track with therapy and just focusing on my career and saving for a house. My problem is now that I’m focusing more on myself and I’m content with just being single, I’ve managed to catch feelings for a guy who I stayed in contact with from the friend group but he’s so much younger.
I’ve dated another younger one before and it was horrendous(this is the guy who cheated) and I’m scared to relive that trauma. But I’ve never really felt this intense amount of feelings for someone since I was a kid. I’m used to being with people because they like me due to self esteem issues growing up but this isn’t the case. I’m genuinely falling for this guy and our connection is awesome for the time we’ve been friends and when we first met I thought he was amongst the most gorgeous guys I’ve ever really seen so I was nervous being around him because he intimidated me. And the more I got to know him, the more I really admired how accepting, patient, open, intelligent and charming he is. Plus he’s got his shit together at the life stage he’s at now. Now he’s beginning to reciprocate more and more and our first date was fantastic and we are planning to spend the second date going to some cool places together.
I’m excited and giddy, but I’m so scared for this to end up in a dumpster fire because of his age, the issues with the former friend group and me possibly not even being ready for something like this and its tearing me apart. He’s still in college but financially very cognizant and independent but im currently an engineering manager trying to get a house together while fumbling my famial relationships. I’m scared deep down we are at different life stages and this will be a fleeting moment and certainly would never want to inadvertently hurt him either with my lack of emotional preperation. Plus both of us are dealing with a sort if similar loss in our lives at the same time. I’ve had a horrendous dating history in the past that’s left me scarred and I don’t even know if I’m emotionally prepared for what this sort of thing will entail but God do I really admire him. I’m just scared I’m trying to find solace in a sea of broken family ties and former relationships that failed to work. Any sort of advice anyone can lend for this sort of thing?
Tl;dr: I finally decide to just focus on myself and get myself in a better place and suddenly I’m falling for a guy much younger than me and I’m conflicted.