Me and my partner have been dating for almost 4 months now and it’s all been going really well. My family loves them, as far as I’m aware their family likes me, we hang out all the time and text every day, sometimes calling while we go to bed, and generally everything has been great.
I’ve always struggled maintaining feelings for people I’ve had a crush on or was interested in dating, and I don’t know why. I broke up with the only other person I’ve dated barely 2 weeks into our relationship because I lost feelings. I hated myself for it and I really tried to force it, but I just couldn’t.
This has happened to me multiple times. I start talking to someone, I’m really into them and am interested in a relationship with them, and then all of a sudden my feelings just drop off the face of the earth. Thankfully every other time we hadn’t gotten into a relationship yet so I didn’t have to break up with them and we just went our separate ways, but I don’t know why it keeps happening.
My partner has been nothing but kind to me. They listen to me, they’re always nice to me, they ask if something is wrong whenever they have a feeling somethings off, they’ve bought me lots of things I like even when I tell them not to, and they get along with my family really well. I have no reason not to be in love with them, and I was at first, but after a month or two I started feeling that familiar feeling of love slowly leaving me. I haven’t had the guts to say anything to them or talk to them about it because I honestly don’t know if anything can be done, and I’m terrified of hurting them. They’ve been so good to me and they deserve so much love, but my stupid brain won’t let me love them that much.
It started with just a few doubting moments here and there, but over the last 2 months it’s gotten increasingly worse, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up with them, I still love them, but almost all of my romantic feelings for them have dissipated. We have plans to move away together in august, they just took me on a trip out of town that they paid for entirely, they’ve spent so much money and time on me I feel so horrible for not loving them the way they deserve. At this point I’m wondering if I’m even capable of loving anyone, I feel like such a shit human being.
Also, a lot of our interactions don’t include in depth conversations. Usually when we’re together we’re just playing games on our phones in the same room, watching tv together, or having small light hearted conversations. They’ve shared a lot of their trauma with me so we’ve had sort of deep conversations about that, but even then they kind of just end once we’ve both said what needed to be said. We don’t share very many interests, we have different music taste, we only like one or two of the same tv shows. I think all of that makes it a bit harder for me personally because I get along with people best when we have similar tastes in things and can bond over shared interests. This is really the only thing I wish was different about our relationship though, so I don’t know why my feelings are fading.
I want to figure this out soon because it’s becoming unbearable for me. I cried in our hotel room when they went to the bathroom because I felt so shitty about it. I know I should talk to them about it, but I don’t know how to. Does anyone know how I should bring it up? Or what I should say so it’s less painful for them? The only thing I’m concerned about is hurting them. I’m tired of being the one hurting others because I’m not feeling our relationship.
I’m sorry this is so long, I haven’t talked to anyone about this. I’ve even been considering therapy to try and work my stupid feelings out. I just don’t want to hurt them.
TLDR: I’m losing feelings for my perfect amazing human of a partner and I feel like shit about it. I’m a massive people pleaser and would rather die than say something that would hurt them. How should I talk to them about it?