Update: 1/5/24 4:14 — she just texted me her plans fell through, in case I hadn’t lined anything up. Odd considering this was supposed to be a group outing. I have plans, I’m not breaking them out of respect to my friend. I told her I’ll call her after my son’s game and before I head out, since we haven’t spoken much all week, but I did make plans for myself.
In the last week, my Gf (49, F) of 4 months has acted suspiciously. I (M, 47) think tomorrow morning I’m going to confront her to try and get to the bottom of it. I don’t have time to waste. A bit of the backstory, I’m a single dad who has his kids about 85% of the time, so when I have my kid-free weekend every other week, my time is valuable. She is a single mom, and our off-weekends align, although her custody arrangement is a week on/week off situation. This weekend, I thought we’d see each other, and all indications are that’s not happening because I’m being treated as a second choice.
* Monday, we started discussing the coming weekend. I mentioned to her that Friday night would be the best for us both to see each other since we have commitments the following day late afternoon/early evening. I have a family dinner planned since November, while she has a hockey game for her son. What’s funny is she didn’t even realize what time it was and where. The only potential issue for me for Friday was my ex had an out of state funeral the next morning, so there was some question as to whether she could take my kids. Regardless, I told her I’d make it happen because otherwise, we may not get quality time together again for another 2 weeks. Here’s where the red alerts began.
* Tuesday night, after us not communicating all day, she texts me when she gets home from work, then a bit later mentions she’s going out with a woman from work, her boyfriend (both of whom I’ve hung out with twice), and “some other folks”, and she’ll catch up with me tomorrow. Didn’t think too much of it, told her have fun. I found the next day they went to a Top Golf.
* Wednesday – At 7pm, she texts me that she “literally just got home…gonna take hot shower and go to bed, exhausted…hope you had a good day.” I ask her if she went to her son’s game, she says no she couldn’t get out of work in time, then continues,”try to call you tomorrow at some point.” Thought it was weird since it’s so early, but I respond I hope she gets her batteries recharged, I’d like to work out a Friday night date.” She replies “night night”. Moments later, I see the notice “<her name> has notifications silenced”! I’ve only seen that when she drives. Now I’m suspicious. I kept the thread open and low and behold, it disappears about 13 minutes later, I never saw it go back on again. That’s plenty of time for her to drive to a nearby complex that has all sorts of bars and restaurants. I decide to shoot her a text 2 hrs later that I found a good oyster place for Friday night, since we both have been craving them. I wanted to see if she read it since she has read receipts enabled, and she was supposed to be sleeping. By time I went to bed, it was still showing delivered, so I wondered if maybe it was all in my head.
* Yesterday, She read the text at 6am, but no reply until until 8:22am. The reply shocked me. “There’s been talk of going out with the girls Friday night, I’ll keep ya posted.” I replied that I thought we were planning to see each other that same night. 2 hours later, she responds she doesn’t recall when we planned that, “but she’d let me know”. I reminded her of the Monday night convo, but told her I’ll just make other plans. Sort of a take-away to see what she’d do. 5 hours later, she responds she still didn’t recall that conversation, just what I was doing with my family (gaslighting). An hour later, she shoots me a text saying she’s heading out to “a friend’s house” to have some wine and catch up. “I”ll let you know for sure about tomorrow night in the morning. Just waiting on so and so, but it’s looking like a go.” I was picking my kids up from their mom, so I didn’t bother replying until a few hours later because I was pissed. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. All I said was “Drive home safe”- which she didn’t appear to read until 6:40 this morning.
* Today, 2 hrs after she read my text, she has since confirmed she is going through with her plans tonight, and wanted to let me know so I could make plans of my own (little does she know, I already did that last night). All I felt like replying was a short “Ok”. She has not offered to discuss meeting up at any other point during all of this.
This is puzzling. A week ago we had two great dates, one she initiated. One of the dates, we exchanged Christmas gifts; one she gave me was a framed photo of us on our first date. She wrote a very sweet note on the back about how she appreciates the way I make her feel, how I treat her, our special connection, and how she can’t wait for the adventures to come. It’s all bizarre, but I’m not an idiot. This week’s behavior is of someone who’s not excited to see me, not yearning to have sex with me, and I feel it has to be called out and requires explanation. I’ve never been good with confrontation, so I’m hoping some of you can give me pointers on how to approach this convo without sounding like some over-anxious , insecure dude, as well as to not be accusatory since I do not have any real proof of what might be going on.
TL;DR! – GF of 4 months’ behavior over last week has become suspicious, is opting to see friends over me even though we both have a kid-free weekend, hasn’t bothered to offer finding mutually available time. Wondering best way to confront without hard evidence as well to not come off as anxious or insecure.