So I(18+ F) have found myself stuck in a very troubling place. I’ve always been a sexual person and have always had a high sex drive. I haven’t had sex in months due to recent life changes and for me that feels like death (I know I may sound crazy, but it’s true). I’ve hooked up with many people, some, if known, would stir up a lot of drama in my life. I have bpd and impulsivity and reckless behavior come natural to me. I love the thrill of being sneaky and doing things I shouldn’t do. Right now, I’m currently reading a smut book about two enemies who hate fuck. This book, mixed with not having sex, is giving me the worst brain fog. I’ve always wanted to reenact what I’ve read. Someone, who I won’t share too much about in order to protect myself, has reached out on numerous occasions. The tricky thing with this is that he is a part of my favorite peoples lives. If they were to find out, my ass would be put on the chopping block for many people, especially those I love. It could literally alter my entire life if people knew. I think the thrill of being so secretive, especially as it could be seen as taboo, is intriguing to me. I want to sleep with him, but I’m scared of what would happen if people found out. I have a fool proof plan to make sure people won’t find out, and he doesn’t want anyone to know either as it could have the same effect for him. We’ve talked about meeting up some place no one would think of, or even would connect us both to. I really want to do it, but I’m unsure. Do I not do it and keep the safety of where I am? Or, do I do it for the thrill knowing he would never say a word? Please help me!