Disclaimer: I am an introvert, and I think i got social anxiety all my life so I’m just curious.
This was one of my most dreaded question whenever I’m meeting new people I want to be friends with and they ask about my non-existent relationship or friend group.
I recently read a post elsewhere asking the same thing. How do you tell potential new friends that you currently have no friends?
I was going to leave some comments and advice, but after writing wrong winding comment, I become confused with my point. So I came here instead. Cause his hypothetical thing actually happened to me recently and it did not end well.
During my work retreat a few weeks ago, some of my coworkers got a bit too personal grilling me, the new guy, with personal questions which eventually led me revealing I have no relationship or friend group. It got awkward real fast. They can’t believe someone can live with no friends or relationship and interrogated me.
*It wasn’t fun.*
When we got back, it just made my workplace extremely awkward and anxiety-inducing. Maybe they are just curious. Maybe they really are judgemental. But I feel like being put under a microscope everytime they strike a non work-related conversation with me. They want to squeeze more info out me that I’m really uncomfortable to share.
I think I got labeled as the office freak and they made sure to make it the topic of every conversation so I ended up trying my best to avoid them making me look more creepy. That’s when I learnt that most people just can’t handle the truth that people like us actually exist.
Anyway, what I’m saying, why do people do that?
Personally, I don’t care who are the friends of people I want to be friends with. I had lots of friends come and go thru out my life, and I never met any of their friends unless they personally introduced me. I never got interested on whatever they do outside of the time we spend together. For me, it’s their personal space and it feels rude for me to even ask. I’m already grateful for the time they share with me, and I don’t want to abuse their generosity by asking for more.
And yet. I met lots of new people who like to ask these questions, even in our first encounter with them.
I also think I had a deep rooted trauma about that friend question personally.
Another story. When I was a kid, we were poor but I got an opprtunity to apply to an exclusive “rich kid” private high school for a full scholarship. It was a grueling experience, a few tests, home visits, and lots of interviews.
During the final round, the interviewer asked me, how many friends do you hang out with on the weekend?
“I have none.” I said.
But I do have friends. Lots of them at school. But I don’t hangout with any of them. Heck I never even invited them to our house either. Should I? These thought filled my head, but I never managed to said it out loud cause interviewer got so shocked she looked at me like I’m an alien.
Then I cried. In front of my peers.
Anyway, the interviewer became our handler for those of us who got our scholarship. We report to her regularly and she kept monitoring my friendship status so I had to just keep making up stories about non-existent friends.
*It was not fun.*
This happened quite a lot of times in my life too. My highschool, my youth org, my college, my previous works everywhere I meet new people, always at least one of them will try to ask me about friend status.
Sorry for the walls of text, I just got some free time in my hand and I end up spending, nay, obsessing on self-reflection
So really, why do people want to ask about your friendship status?
Can anyone with social skills help someone like me understand what to do in these situations?