I am a woman
I have had a few exes in my life.
I told every single one of them upfront that I am emotionally unstable.
I gave them all the warning signs.
Literally just waving my red flags thinking that would scare them away.
But nobody listened until we either broke up after fights and fights or I just got bored because they couldn’t keep up with me… sexually and emotionally.
And now here is this guy. I kinda like him but I know I can’t handle that relationship at this moment. I am in therapy and I need to improve myself first.
I told him every single crazy bit about myself. How I threw tantrums at my exes here and there.
And he says he wants to know the CRAZY me and be my boyfriend. I also have slept with him so if he wanted to “conquer” me I guess he already did.
I know I sound like a 18 yo but I am actually just an immature woman and even then why they still bother with me. I am not even that hot I think I am only slightly above average in my best day.
When I was younger I thought it was fun to wrap men around my fingers and I was also seeking validation but now it just drains me and makes me stressed.
Fuck I really don’t understand them. Everybody says that they don’t want crazy woman yet this happens so often.
17 comments
**Please do not delete your submission.**
Your submission has been flagged for moderator review. Please be patient. If you do not see your post published within 48 hours the moderators have decided to not publish it.
If/when your thread is approved and it runs its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type “!lock” (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won’t be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Being with someone unstable is fun, for some time, but as you’ve found its not conducive to building a healthy longstanding relationship.
You’ve done well to identify and start tackling your problems. Continue.
Maybe they’re thinking that if you’re actually aware that your past behaviour has been crazy, you can’t really be that crazy yourself
Because the crazy ones usually like it up the wrongun
I am going to give a frank answer, that is NOT aimed at you. Nor is it meant to cause offense :
A challenge.
*Can I handle this*
*Can I fix this*
(And… *probably better in bed than mos*t)
IME any friend I know that picks a “crazy” has no intention of long term relationship, and I have to include myself in that.
Its similar for strong minded men that pick strong minded women (hand up – ex military) because on the outset its cool to have banter, push back, even let someone else where the trousers for a bit, but once the conflict starts, its hideous. Personally went through (not physically) 2 Lawyers and one Management consultant testing myself on the theory. Never ended well.
Because “crazy women” are usually passionate and guys like me are reserved. Opposites attract. It’s nice to spend time with someone who cares so deeply and to be around that level of intensity. Especially when the guys themselves are reserved and don’t have that level of intensity in their regular day to day lives [+]
1. Usually it isn’t the crazy that men want. Men want pretty and hot. Crazy often accompanies physically attractive women. Most would chose not to deal with the crazy if they could get pretty and hot without it.
2. Crazy people tend to be unfiltered, uninhibited, shameless and enthusiastic… which can be hot. EDIT: But it’s also possible to be those fun things *without* being an unhinged liability.
I applaud you for admitting that you’re an immature woman, and enrolling yourself in therapy for this.
now to answer your question:
it depends on the quality of men that you’re involving yourself with.
genuinely, the type of men that will put up with “crazy women”, are either low value, or simply looking for a fling.
edit: spelling.
I mean there is a saying…”crazy in the head, crazy in bed”…and I’ve been a part of that. But it gets exhausting for real.
I think it’s the same reason people like drugs.
I mean, you’re not in a long term relationship nor married so not really sure the evidence points to men really liking crazy.
Dating someone is different. People will date anyone.
I’d imagine it’s for 2 reasons
1. Super attractive
2. Super passionate
those 2 things will attract most men for awhile, but they won’t keep them around
You’re offering a relationship and therefore sex. He will decide to take the sex while he can and deal with your craziness later. That’s the long and short of it.
Fun… for a bit. Some people just like the passion.
Also, in the uk at least, I think we struggle to show emotions and are repressed a lot. I think having passionate arguments or crazy shit going on. Is a way of feeling like someone cares. It doesn’t make sense logically.
I feel like someone asking to see the crazy you isn’t asking for you to be crazy. He just wants to be let in and see you with your hair down. He feels like he’s not seeing the real you.
If it makes you feel better, I wont date you.
I belive most women (and men) are some level of crazy.
If you are already aware of your own crazyness, you are one level ahead of most others.
Also some crazy can transfer to kinky, which can be worth it