Started dating this girl almost a year ago and I love her a lot. We were friends for a few months before, so I knew some of her past partners and relationships before me. After our first date, I took her home and we had sex. She has an IUD and said she was okay with me not using a condom. I insisted we use a condom so that’s what I did. I kept using a condom the next few times we had sex, after a certain point I stopped because I trusted her and we were both exclusive at that point.
A short while into our relationship, I think we were talking about getting regularly tested, and I casually mentioned that I don’t think I’ve ever had a formal STD test. My partner got really upset with me and chastised me for putting her health at risk. I felt very guilty, but then I checked my medical records and realized I did actually get tested at my most recent doctor’s appointment. I was clean and hadn’t been with anyone since.
At the time, I felt purely guilty for not fully knowing my testing and not communicating that before we had sex. My partner had a good amount of regretful, unprotected sex when she was younger and dealt with some scares, so she is much more aware of the need to get tested than I am.
A few months later, we had another argument over sexual health. My partner may have HSV (no outbreak ever) and takes daily medication for it, but her new insurance made the medication a lot more expensive. She wanted to only use the medication when she knew she was going to see me. I told her that this is a joint decision between us because it affects my health too. The talk turned into her sulking and basically disrespecting my health concerns and belittling me for my safer sexual practices. I told her I felt very disrespected, she apologized, said she knew she didn’t handle it well, and we both agreed that she can take a different, cheaper drug every day for HSV.
I was ruminating the other day and a lot of dots connected for me. My partner is open that she made mistakes with unsafe sex when she was younger and that has led to some permanent consequences. But when we first had sex, she was okay not using a condom and not asking about STDs. To then later throw the blame of not being safe back at me is kinda messed up when I was the one who insisted we use a condom. Plus, when the HSV medication talk came up, I was the one who had to fight to get my own health considered and felt blamed for demanding it. At this point, I’m even questioning how much she values my health. Was she safe with the most recent partners before me? Was she only okay not using a condom the first time with me because we knew each other well?
But it feels petty to bring this up months later unprompted. Do I bring it up out of the blue, or just keep it in mind if another time comes up where I’m getting heat for some sexual health issue?