There’s a lot of background here so Ill try and keep it to whats relelvant. Married 10 years, dated 3 before that we have 2 kids. Her parents are divorced. Her mom comes from a welathy family and when her parents got married her family did a lot of legal and fiancial stuff and prenups and stuff to keep the money safe. Growing up her mom was busy a lot and was the primary breadwinner. Her dad really was the one who raised her. He was the one who took her and picked her up from school, who helped her with her homework and went to her shows, plays, games etc.
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When she was 12 it turned out her mom had been having an affair and it led to her parents divorcing. This is where her moms familes money comes in. They were able to afford very good lawyers and her money had already been locked up tight so she wound up with custody and he left the marriage with not very much to his name and since he had spent so much time raising her he had neglected his own career. He struggled after that. My wife has a …fraught relantionship with her mother. She never really forgave her mother for the affair the divorce and “her destroying his life” once she was a teenager she chose to move in with her dad.
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So thats a bit of background, she remained close to her dad to this day. Hes been an active part of our lives and he spends a lot of time with our kids (who both love him) but hes been struggling. Covid was really hard for him because he really couldnt work. He fell behind on his bills and hes been struggling to catch up ever since. Hes now about to be evicted. My wife wants him to move in with us. She says its absolutely unacceptable to her for him to be homeless when we have a basement we can move him into. Thing is. The basement is my space. Its set up to be my retreat and she now wants to turn it into a bedroom for him. We’ve been arguing about this because she says she wont allow him to be homeless and my point is he wont be homeless. He has a place he can go with his sister but she lives on the other side of the country. My wife hates that idea. She says she wants him to be a part of her and our kids lives and not on the other side of the country. Hes not a bad guy, I dont hate him or anything I just want some space for our family. My wifes position is that he is family and he can help with the kids. She’s accusing me of caring more about my “Mancave” than the wellbeing of her father. Thats an exageration he isnt going to be homeless he can move in with his sister. This argument is starting to become pretty ugly now and shes threatening to take the kids and move out to find a place with him if I wont agree to let him move in here. I resent that threat. Im starting to wonder if this is really a hill I should die on. On the other hand Im shocked and angry that my wife seems ready to throw away our whole marriage over this.