My (40f) boyfriend (41m) have been together for several years and have lived together the last 4. We have a “good” relationship. He’s a great partner, helpful, kind, generous. I think I want to be married in general, but I’ve I have never been able to put my finger what is holding me back. Is it me? Is it him? Is it the combination of “us”? I recently read a relationship book that helped me articulate some of my reservations – all seem to be related to personality differences. The book lists some common irreconcilable differences that are often cited in divorce but it also mentions that a lot of times couples are able to live with these differences when they have a core similarity that binds them together. So… What has been your experience in a relationship that is generally good, but you have differences like the ones below. Did they eventually drive you apart or did you find a way to live with them? Are you happy with your choice?
\*Agressive/Passive One likes to make things happen, the other likes to wait for things to happen (if you look at my previous posts this is a better way of describing what I called “leading”)
\*Physical/Sedentary One likes to get a lot of exercise and do sports, the other just likes to sit around
\*Active/Lazy One can’t stand not getting things done, the other can’t stand doing things (in our case this is more that one of us tends to procrastinate)
\*Hot/Cold One partner is warmer, more passionate, more emotional the other is cooler, more reserved, more intellectual seeming
\*Optimist/Pessimist One is happier & more hopeful, the other is negative, gloomy, depressed
\*Fast/Slow One does things quickly, the other goes as slow as possible
\*Extravert/Introvert One of you likes people, parties, popularity, the other likes staying home alone (in our case it’s more an issue of social introvert v extreme introvert)
\*Thrifty/Spendthrifty One of you hates spending money, money seems to burn a hole in the other’s pocket (in our case we’re both savers, but one of us is very generous with charitable giving)
\*Left/Right One is a dedicated democrat, the other is a rabid republican (in our case we lean the same way it’s more that one cares a lot about politics and the other doesn’t)
\*Flexible/Inflexible One person is ok with spontaneity and last minute changes of plans, the other is set in their ways and doesn’t like to stray from their routine
\*Old Soul/Kid at heart
TLDR: How have you handled differences in your relationship – did you live with them or did you decide to leave – and how did that work out for you?