TL;DR: Wife trying to help stressed out husband not be so stressed.
There is a whole lot to try capture in a short text form here but I’ll do my best.
My husband (39/M) and I (41/F) have been together for 12 years. Married for 9. No kids. We have a non traditional relationship in that we are ethically non monogamous and have been for a few years.
Everything has been great. Until this past year.
I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. But my overall health is fine. Though I can understand his stress surrounding that as there was a lot of testing and questions at first.
Then things started to get stressful for him at work. Not the first time. But worse than ever before. He’s been there for longer than I’ve known him. A bad day turned into a week turned into a month. I encouraged him to try to speak to his boss. He works for a small mom and pop. Unfortunately he is kind of at the end of the line there with no place left to advance career wise. He also feels burnt out in that field. The job is still an ongoing problem with the industry adapting to the changes in the workforce but the company (owner) not they are constantly understaffed. Just a quick check on indeed verifies he is underpaid and receives ZERO benefits.
Him and his secondary partner started to have problems and they did eventually end their relationship. And now he is back “dating” again. Dating as a married man is extremely difficult. Not a lot of interest in being #2.
He has a new FWB and while it seems like he is enjoying himself, it’s obvious he is struggling mentally because for the first ever he is experiencing ED. And not just performance anxiety. It’s happening with me too. I don’t address it, or focus on it. We might try again. But if it’s dead we move on. I’m not going to make him feel bad.
A one off night here and there is normal and not what I’m talking about. He’s having more problems than success. He does have to use condoms with the new FWB as they are not exclusive. And he is not used to them. So that 100% is a factor. I bought different brands for him to try to find his “flavor.” I really believe it’s a time/experience thing and that will work itself out.
But my concern is that there are so many stressors and other things in his world that are impacting him. I’m trying to support him. I know I am absolutely not perfect in this though and that’s why I’m here.
He saw his PCP and a urologist too. And is taking Wellbutrin and a daily cialis now. Just started the Cialis 2 days ago and the Wellbutrin was about 3 weeks ago.
It seems like so much. But I think it’s honestly the ED that impacts him more than anything else and I literally can’t help him with that more than I already have. He’s already made it out to be a monster in his head.
I have offered to close our ENM relationship temporarily or even permanently. He has declined this. What else can I do? Are we missing something?