Hello married friends. I’m in a 15 year marriage, 40s, 1 young child. Very low sex situation. We recently did it again after 2 years, yay!
NSFW below:
I’ve generally tried to stop masturbating since we’ve been intimate. I would say if I go for about 7-10 days or so it starts to make more pressure, being hornier, etc. If I don’t do anything I’ll end up having a “wet dream” and wake up with a mess in my pants. Its gross to me. Ideally (i guess?) we would have sex so this isn’t an issue, on the other hand don’t want to bother my wife and with schedules and health issues and everything in life I don’t feel this physical feeling is connected to our romance if that makes sense? I would prefer to want sex emotionally and being stress free and sometimes that doesn’t align with what my body seems to do. I would probably be fine with sex once a month or so. My wife has no specific desire on the timeline from our conversations.
The thing is, I see two schools of thoughts in comments from women on reddit:
1) a man wanting sex for this physical release is “using” his partner like a fleshlight and this is bad
2) a man that has sexual needs but is choosing to not initiate sex and jerking off instead is hurting their partner’s feelings and is bad.
I can see both sides of it but also feel its kind of no-win. I think that my fear of how harmful doing 1 is worse than actually doing 2 but I don’t know.
What’s your opinion on this?