I know this sounds simple – “just ask her dummy” – but it’s a very difficult situation for me.
Context: When she enters rooms she has a tendency to just throw herself into the room. Like by the time i even hear the door, she’s already fully inside the room. We’ve been living together for 10 years now, and this has always been the case. I have an opposite style – I don’t go as far as knocking and waiting for a response, but I’m usually along the lines of doing a couple knocks to announce my presence, cracking the door in a way that i cant see inside and asking if i can come in, then slowly entering the room. Even with an open door I still make my presence known first. If her door is locked I don’t attempt to go in – i’ll usually text her.
The problem: the way she enters rooms is very jarring to me. My startle reflex still hasn’t adjusted to it. It also feels like an invasion on my privacy and space. I work out of our primary study, and also use it as a hangout when i need some alone time, so this also often interrupts work meetings and presentations, in addition to just personal time / mental rest.
How do I talk to her without her getting angry? I’ve tried to address it indirectly by asking if i can put a lock on the door to prevent our toddler from interrupting meetings during work hours, but she’s not comfortable with that and will not allow it (she has a lock on her space though, which is frequently used, typically when she needs space to talk to her english speaking friends about me – with her indian friends and family she switches to hindi and does it in front of me). If I ask her to stop she’ll accuse me of being shady and it will start a whole thing. If i tell her how it makes me feel she’ll call me a p*ssy. If i just point out our different styles and tell her what makes me comfortable (ie not asking her to change anything, just telling her my preference) she’ll say it’s cultural or something. Not really seeing a way to bring it up without me in the dog house. Any suggestions?