Hey, everyone.
I’ll try to keep it brief. I (M35) met someone (F32) a number of years ago at a conference with whom I initially got along swimmingly, there being substantial and numerous points of convergence in our interests (we’re both active, academic types in the legal field, with similar attractions in terms of the arts). Despite a little turbulence that almost dissuaded me (a somewhat messy divorce being recently finalized), I was excited to have happened upon what I thought had the potential to be my first relationship “built to last.” Alas, the pandemic hit as we were seemingly gearing up, and that halted whatever progress we’d been able to make, and we both seemingly moved on. I discovered that she had even gone so far as to remove me as a contact at one point.
For the next few years, we’d intermittently match on dating apps, but aside from an isolated and ephemeral burst of excitement over rekindled possibility, I never personally sought to make more of it, treating it as an affirmation of desirability, a memento of some fun times, and a pretext to chat a little with someone I found generally agreeable. Perhaps due to circumstances conducive to discouragement and loneliness in my personal and professional lives, I reached out to her this December and we went out (never explicitly defined as a date, however) on 4 occasions. The frequency of contact, and unsolicited comments to the effect that I looked attractive, buoyed my hope that maybe we were each thinking along the same lines. I felt as though I was coming to appreciate her on a more profound level than I had before.
Prior to NYE, being the sentimental guy I am, I sought her company, seeing that occasion as optimal to try and broach the subject of trying to rediscover what we may have had. To my chagrin, she never replied until the final day of the year, although her response was positive. Partially because I dislike trying to scramble at the last minute and partially because I felt a tad (or more) let down, I rescinded the invitation on logistical grounds and declined an alternative she offered to do something remotely, as politely as I could (although I fear my maudlin streak shone through). She invited me to call, however, saying she’d love to talk. Because I truly relish her company, I took her up on it, to no avail, somewhat surprisingly. She never answered a preliminary query designed to ascertain that she was up for a call some hours later.
That’s where I find myself at the moment. I regret the approach I took to NYE, and my becoming inordinately invested in something not obviously shared (there are also life circumstances that likely preclude the development of “more” – I know she’s expecting to relocate to Scotland for work within a year). Although I suspect the answer isn’t exactly impenetrable, I wonder what you all gather in terms of whether I ought to care about the outcome of this nebulous relationship, and possibly whether there was anything to squander in the first place.