TLDR: Husband seems uninterested in travelling etc with me and I feel embarrassed and lonely.
I’m 38f and have been married for almost 10 years to 39m. It’s been hard – my husband has a job that takes him away from home a lot and I seem to be the one holding down to fort. But I (think) we’ve been happy.
I worked with a few women who were older than me and married but always travelled alone or with girlfriends, because their husbands wouldn’t want to go, same thing with going to restaurants, nights on the town etc etc. Always alone or with friends because husband wasn’t interested for whatever reason. I always felt bad for them – but now I’m thinking I’m becoming them and it’s scaring me.
I will be married for ten years this spring. We are always said that for our ten year anniversary we would take a trip back to our honeymoon location. So I mention it to husband, he doesn’t say much about it other then ok, I start looking for travel deals, have it all planned out, sent him some information on what I wanted to plan, and he didn’t even look at it.
Then today we were talking about how expensive everything is getting and he made a remark about how I have no trouble spending money on vacations (I have not travelled since 2019 and we live on a cold island in the North Atlantic, I also had two kids during pandemic lock downs when he was mostly gone so you can imagine how much I need to get a break from this place, his job has changed so while he still travels a little he is at home a lot more) I have also not booked anything yet, and as for cost, we have so much travel money saved up we would only need to pay the taxes which is $600 (not bad for a trip down south, all inclusive). I even had childcare arranged. He’s had the same attitude about restaurants or going out for some time now as well.
So it’s clear he doesn’t want to go, I’m not going to book, I don’t want to force him to go on vacation with me. I’ve been looking forward to this for years and he couldn’t care less. He’s not interested in a night out or anything really. He’s happy enough to go to his friends house and have a few drinks and play cards or darts. Fair enough, I guess.
I guess my question is, has anyone been in a marriage like this, did you find happiness in friendships and being alone? Did you stick with it and regret it? I’m started to feel so lonely.
I also feel embarrassed, like why doesn’t he want to do these things with me?