Last night me and my girlfriend
We’re having sex. We have had sex multiple times with trust and consent before. Sex has never been an issue in our time together. As far as I know from our talks and communication.
My gf is very good at communicating. We have a very honest open transparent relationship. We rarely fight. If we do we often are able to talk through it effectively.
Last night. We tried a new position for us. It was going great and we were having a good time. I’m not sure what happened. I don’t know if it was fhe Condom. The angle. Or what. But I felt as if I slipped out. Mid sex. I asked. Is it in. Without thinking. Just checking to make sure I haven’t slipped out.
My girlfreind. Which is very out of character. Shut down. She pulled off of me and rolled over and wouldn’t talk to me. I asked if she was okay and she was very visibly upset. I realized maybe she thought I couldn’t feel her tightness. Not the case at all. I also thought she asked me if it slipped out as well. I was not in any way saying anything bad about her vaginia.
I tried explaining to her. That I would never say anything terrible about her body. Nor that what I meant was supposed to be in a negitive way. She said there’s no other way she can take
that comment. Asking if it was in. Accept as an offense. I tried apologizing. I took the blame. I said. It’s my fault. My excuses don’t matter. I hurt you somehow. I obviously did something to hurt you. Not intentionally but it’s my fault..
This is where I failed. I tried to get her to open up. She said. Give me a minute. I did. We watched some TV. Snuggled a little. After a while. I said. Would you like to talk about what happened. It’s okay if your mad I would just like some sort of communication. We can work through this.
She asked me to take her home. So I did. I told her I didn’t want to end the night in anger. And we should try to talk before going our own ways for the night. She wqsent having it. I took her home. I told her I was sorry and would leave her alone until she reached out to me. She said she would reach out today. If she wanted to see me again.
I’m not sure what I did. I know I was pushy about the communication part. Maybe I should have just let sleeping dogs lie. I don’t know. She said there’s nothing I can do to fix what I Said or change things.
My mother is a abuse survivor. My mom said. Maybe she has trauma in her past and I triggered her. I’ve been up all night. Barely slept. Crying. Panicking that I somehow hurt this girl..I didn’t mean too. I didn’t mean to trigger some sort of past event. I was very concerned because it felt like after what happened. She seemed very distant and dissociated. She seemed spacey and lifeless. I took one last look at her car as I drove off. And she was just sitting there in the dark staring into nothing. She seemed very just “off” and incredibly angry.
I have been with girls before. And asked if I slipped out or if I’m in or still in. It’s never been an issue. I can see how and why it could be hurtful or mean. I get that. But is what I did that bad. Did I really cause some sort of irreparable mind fuck on this girl. Because I feel truly awful and disgusting.