I’ve shared drinks and vapes with her on a very few occasions because I felt pressured into it even though I hate sharing germs with people. I am feeling irritated at her personality at the moment. Anyway I found out she had a suspected cold sore a couple months ago shortly after sharing a vape with her friend, who later mentioned they get cold sores. I got drunk and I believe I forgot for a few seconds and actually offered her to taste my drink. This is not in line with my personality at all.
This might sound ridiculous but I feel her repeatedly trying to share things with me influenced me or normalised it more so that I acted like that when I was drunk.
If I definitely have it, and it looks like it, I know I caught it from her. I just do. It’s all too much of a coincidence and the timing for incubation of the virus correct.
I tried to talk to her. I wanted to know if she developed a sore after we saw each other. She said no. She was completely dismissive that I could have contracted it from her. I don’t know if it’s real or just willful ignorance. She said it isn’t a big deal. I could tolerate this attitude if it weren’t applied to people other than yourself. Whether it’s a big deal is subjective.
Maybe I shouldn’t blame her because of the amount of unproven misinformation about how non- infectious it is.
I am starting to get over feeling so freaked out about it having myself but I am scared I have spread it to my son. It would be so unfair to him at such a young age, and knowing it came from me. And basically from my sister. I don’t know how to get over this or feel okay. He ate the ice cream I was eating from after I told him not to and why. He forgot..
I have no right to say anything about this but she kisses her children on the lips after having suspected cold sores. But maybe if I had said something she would have listened and been more cautious. The thing is that I know she won’t have forgotten she might have HSV even if she was drinking.
I basically hate myself for what I’ve done. All of it. I regret my personality. I resent her for being constantly irresponsible about picking up and spreading viruses and bacteria and for ever pushing my boundaries and influencing me. I know that sounds immature. But if my son gets it I don’t think I will feel ok with her again.
She is angry at me for being upset and has been pretty nasty. I am feeling really irritated at this whole aspect of her personality right now, and I am full of regret.
TL; DR I think I might have contracted oral HSV and I feel completely alone in my anxiety over this