I (f21) used to be really extroverted in middle school but then I realized some ppl found me annoying so I shut up. I’ve been so quiet and awkward ever since and now I’m in this weird limbo of having only aquaintances and not any good friends. I knew a lot of people In high school but never as a friend group. Like I would know individual people from other groups but it was never one cohesive group but they never invited me out with them, and I’m ngl I made some terrible friend choices in high school so I don’t have any past friends really.
And I go to community college so I don’t see anyone long enough to make any friends. Like I’ve gotten to know some people and got their socials but conversations never stuck. In my recent friend group I was constantly being left out and I think it was mostly due to the fact that I never talked much and I was so awkward and I know it was making other people feel awkward. I’m about to transfer to a 4 year college and I want to make good friends but I can’t talk to ANYONE without being awkward it doesn’t matter who it is except for my boyfriend .
I’m always really anxious that people will find me annoying, or they’ll think I’m ugly or weird but I also know that being quiet makes ppl uncomfortable too and ppl don’t want to talk to someone who is super awkward. And the eye contact omg I just can’t 😠and I know I fidget a lot.
I’m so self conscious to the point where I’m scared to go to public places, I can’t order food, I pull out my phone just to avoid looking at people and I can’t make new friends. I have 3 jobs and I don’t have any issue talking to customers, but when I have to talk to a coworker or an old friend or even someone who is (was) apart of my friend group one on one I can’t find anything to say. I want to make friends and I want to find people who actually click with me. I know social media exasperates this problem, and makes it seem like other people have everything together and they’re so confident and big huge friend groups but it’s hard not to feel fomo. I just spent my 21st birthday alone and I feel so hopeless. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a good friend and I’m scared I’ll end up getting married with no bridesmades. Pls help I don’t want to be lonely and awkward forever :((
I wish I could stop prioritizing toxic peoples opinions of me, or lack of care for me as well.