Men who have stepped up to the role of “mom’s boyfriend”, has it been worth it? Does it get easier?

9 comments

1. Sounds like you’re having trouble forming a team here. How long have you been together?

2. Man I totally misinterpreted where this was going based on the title. Was fully prepared to make some sort of Alabama joke

3. Definitely don’t get in the way of her parenting as you are only a boyfriend. Know that her kids come first (hopefully). It can be tough but stay strong mate, simply be a good boyfriend. If you don’t see a future with the whole package though, I recommend getting out of the situation.

4. 5 years and 3 years married and it’s not an easy path but I came in with the attitude that I would lead the kids by example, and give them my best. If you feel your purpose in life has to do with helping raise the children right and be a real man for them to look up to then yes. But if you are going to sit back and not have control of the household, letting anyone else’s ’rules’ fly in your household don’t do it. Once we got married and I moved in, we moved to my/our rules are the only rules when in our house and I call the shots equally for the children, meaning they have to listen and respect what I say equally to their other parents.

   It has been a very rewarding experience that has given me alit of happiness and purpose in life, but I would never be able to play the backseat parent role.

5. It was worth it for me. We’ve been married 35 years. The two from her previous I love no different than if they were my own. We went on to have three more kids. All are now grown and have successful careers.

   But the beginning was – well – scary. I had no experience with kids. Hell, I had little experience with siblings. My one sister was 7 years younger than me, so we weren’t close growing up. I knew nothing about being a father and made every mistake in the book. But I think the one thing that saved me was that I genuinely loved her kids. I never wanted them to feel like they were “less than” because they weren’t “mine.” When we were dating, my wife made it clear they were “a part of the package” and if I wanted to be in her life I would need to be just as serious about being in their lives. She didn’t compromise her role as a mother just to have me as a boyfriend. She expected me to step up or move on and I really respected that.

   After we married, I *never* used the word “step” to describe my relationship with the kids to friends or strangers. They were always simply “my kids.”

   Don’t mess with their lives by being afraid to commit. If you don’t think you’re cut out for what will be the most challenging experience in your life, make that known as soon as you know that and move on. On the other hand, if she’s the woman you can’t live without, make the commitment and don’t look back. Step up and be the kind of father that puts these kids first.

6. I have dated a couple of single moms. Both experiences were fantastic, but it sounds like you are in a different situation.

   My only suggestions are:

   1. Support the woman as much as you can in her struggles.
   2. Have a conversation with your partner about how she wants you to interact with her children.
   3. Treat the children as humans. They aren’t going to disappear. Talk with them, but don’t try to cozy up to them unless you and Mom enter a serious relationship.

   Good luck. And have fun.

7. Just an FYI – no parent of a child “babysits.” I don’t think I know of one other thing that sets women off more then a father saying he “babysits” his own children. If the ex calls it babysitting……yeah…..I can see why he is an ex.

8. I had to reread the entire thing cause I thought my eyes were deceiving me. Might want to rephrase the title cause I thought you meant dating your mom.

9. Not worth it. Don’t do it.