We recently stayed with her parents for the holidays and I overheard her father googling things about prostate cancer by talking into his phone in his office. At the time, I definitely noted it but brushed it off that he might just be curious about a friend. Although, I was very suspicious because he had a doctor’s appointment that day and mentioned it went really well a little too much. This all changed today when her mom texted me asking me to be around for their weekly phone call because they have bad news about her father. I was very blunt, and asked if my suspicions were correct, and she confirmed it. She told me that he was scared at first, but now he has a good prognosis. She asked me not to tell my girlfriend about the conversation.
My dilemma is whether I should warn her before the phone call tonight. My gf’s parents are not very comforting people, and they tend to stress my gf out a lot. The call will also have her other 3 siblings on it. We have been dating for a long time, and I know that she struggles with big shocks like that. I think that she is going to take it very hard hearing it from her parents that way.
On the other hand, I feel awful keeping anything from her. I feel sick not telling her about the conversation with her mom today, and I also feel horrible that I suspected it for weeks. I work in healthcare and understand that her father will likely have a quick recovery, but I understand the position as myself and both my parents are cancer survivors. My heart is telling me to tell face-to-face, so I can comfort her and help her process before the phone call. But my brain is telling me that is an awful idea.
Half of me thinks that telling her would be selfish and would only make me feel better.
But the other half of me wants to trust my instincts, because I know how she handles things and how to comfort her.
What would you guys do?
Edit: thank you all for the advice. Everyone has been helpful and respectful. I know that some of my thought process is selfish. Ultimately, I haven’t decided what to do yet but I think I am going to give her the choice. I will give an update once she knows.