I’m in my early 30s and my last long term relationship ended three years ago. Since then, dating has been a roller coaster. Finding a partner is not the center of my life but it would be really nice.
In this time, it feels like every time I get excited about a guy, start to feel a connection, and meet someone I want to date, they ghost me or disappear pretty quickly after sex, or find someone else. It is so tiring of feeling like I click with someone, expressing my interest clearly to them, and then the inevitable hurt when they disappear for reasons unknown. I know it’s probably not anything I am doing but it still sucks and hurts.
Meanwhile, the men who have expressed interest in me, are excited about me, and show me consistency, I have a hard time forcing feelings for. I try, I want to like these men who are nice and into me, but ultimately after a few dates, I can feel them getting attached to me, while I’m forcing it and trying to develop feelings that won’t come, and don’t feel particularly interested or excited to see these men. I then always respectfully break up with them, not wanting to lead anyone on or be unfair, explaining they are great but the connection just isn’t there, etc. a courtesy I wish I was afforded.
After so many repetitions of this cycle, meeting someone I like and am attracted to who ghosts me, having to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it, I’m starting to feel so tired and hopeless that it’s going to work out, and wonder why I’m even putting myself through all this when the results always seem to be the same. Could there be something wrong with me? How do I keep doing this?