Hey I’ve never posted on Reddit before but I need some advice.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a month now. She was abused at an early age for a couple years I think. She’s had two relationships in the past and they sounded pretty abusive. We haven’t talked too much about it as I can see it in her eyes how much it still hurts her. After our 3rd date I tried to initiate sex and she told me a little about her past and that she wasn’t ready for sex. She also told me later that she’s afraid to have sex as she doesn’t want to lose me after we have sex(I don’t really understand that but I get that trauma/mental health issues can make you think a lot differently). I have of course explained that I’m not gonna leave after we have sex. We make out and touch each other her all the time with no problems.
I’m of course respectful of her boundaries and haven’t asked or tried to initiate sex since the first time I tried. I really want to be intimate with her but don’t know how to go forward with bringing it up. I don’t want her to feel pressured or like I’m gonna break up with her if she says no but I also want to take that step with her.
What would you do in this situation?
How/when do I bring this up while not pressuring her but conveying that I want that level intimacy?
Sorry I know it’s not the most well put together post I’ve just never been in this situation with dating.
(Edit) I don’t know how many of y’all have actually been in a relationship but I’m not asking this because all I want is sex. I’m not gonna push her boundaries, I’m not gonna pressure her. The reason I asked this is because I want to build a relationship with this woman that last. Within this relationship I would like to have a sex life which I think is important. I’m ok with it taking time to get there. So please stop telling me that I need to stop being horny and other shit like that. Not everyone thinks about sex 24/7. I’m specifically asking these questions because I’ve never been in a relationship with someone who has had trauma like this.
I’m a very straightforward person. If all I wanted from someone is sex then I let them know beforehand.