I met my boyfriend 5 months ago. I didn’t initially plan to go on more than one date with him. I was going through a lot and still healing from a lot of trauma. He was, and is, so patient, kind, and compassionate. He very quickly showed me how much he cared and that he would do anything for me. I have a severe allergy, so he learned how to cook and bake for my safety. He bought an extra chair for his apartment so I could sit at his desk. He got me a hotel when I was fighting with my father. His arms are my place of refuge. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him. I would do anything for him. Just not kids. When we started dating he told me he was looking for a long term relationship. I told him I wanted the same, though I actually didn’t at the time. But i really fell in love with him.
We met on bumble. His profile said he wanted kids in the future. I ignored it because I was just looking to go out on dates. But he just captured my soul. There’s no one else that could possibly fill his place in my life. I love him so so so so so much. Now that I’ve realized this, I feel so guilty. I don’t want kids. I know I wouldn’t be a good mother. I grew up in abusive homes, I never saw a working relationships between partners or parents and their children. People change when they have kids, I’m worried I’ll be like my parents. I’m worried I wont be pretty or sexy anymore and he’ll look for other women. I’m worried that he’ll change. I’m worried that I’ll make bad decisions and destroy what I selfishly created. I’m worried he’ll leave and I’ll be stuck with kids I never wanted. Bottom line: I don’t want kids.And I think people who bring kids into the world when they don’t want them are cruel and selfish. it’s not a game, it’s a life.
I also think it’s selfish to hold onto someone and waste precious time they have to find someone that aligns with their goals. When my boyfriend wants to be a dad, I’ll still say no. And he would have wasted his potential life on ab investment ent without return. But I don’t want to break up. I love him so much. He is my absolute everything. I love no one more.