Hey gang,
I know the red flags are blaring, but I earnestly don’t think this is one of those one sided things….but it is kind of melting me from the inside out.
I’ve (M32) been seeing this woman (F28) Sporadically since Mid November. She’s gorgeous, assertive, unique and wildly funny. After about 4 dates, I confessed to having strong feelings and wanted to move towards a relationship. Very plainly, she said that she really liked me, but needed more time, but agreed that she was focusing her attention on me. More than fair! She broke up with her boyfriend in August and just moved out of their shared apartment a few weeks after I asked her.
Here’s the thing… Ever since that night, my feelings have only compounded. Every time I see her I feel like my tongue grows 2 sizes and my heart works in triple over time. I’ve remained honest about my feelings and I can tell that she isn’t there yet. All of this is good and normal, I think, but here’s where it gets bad for me.
My brain is spiraling and obsessing a bit. I’ve tried to shake the feelings and give her space, but every little thing eventually leads back to her…. and then the doubt sets in. “maybe she doesn’t like me?” “maybe she’s falling for another dude?” “is my affection annoying her? is it scaring her off?” “why does she take so long to respond to my texts? is it because she just doesn’t like me like that??”
I’m normally ultra confident and it’s one of the things that she was attracted to in the first place… but when it comes to her i feel like a cloying needy loser… and since we aren’t in a relationship, I feel like I cant ask her for reassurance. I wish I could just scream into a void and say “I NEED YOU TO TELL ME YOU LIKE ME AND THAT IM PRETTY!!!!” and just get it off my stupid chest forever.
I’m roughly a year and a half out of my marriage and she’s the first person I’ve fallen for since and I earnestly think I’m falling in love.
How do I cope? Should I seek other romantic liaisons, just so i can stop obsessing? Do i break it off, just for my own sanity? Maybe witchcraft has an answer… I do have access to a healthy amount of sage and crystals.
​
TL;DR – I’m falling in love with a woman who’s not ready for a commitment and it’s melting my brain.