Been married six years, and we struggle to communicate effectively with each other. We’ve done counseling a couple different times, which was semi helpful.
We’ve got two kids under five. Just moved states, and we’re putting up curtain rods in our new house. The argument sprung because I center the end of the curtain rod to drill holes on the measurement that she wanted instead of the outer side.
Para phrasing, “why wouldn’t you do it that way, it’s obvious”
When I explain myself, I get this “Nobody thinks like *my name* does”
Which I hear this from her weekly at this point, and how “everybody” agrees.
I was also using a speed square to quickly measure both sides the same, which if done her way or the obvious way, I would’ve just used a ruler and made a mark. I stopped to get down off the ladder to do it her way, when she said something I don’t even remember, and I raised my voice slightly and said “what do you want me to do”
This ended everything because I raised my voice out of frustration, and it was in front of the kids which was wrong and we do a pretty good job at avoiding that. So yeah I’m not perfect. I’m a narcissist according to her actually.
https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2023/07/03/harvard-psychologist-toxic-phrases-people-use-when-they-are-gaslighting-you-how-to-respond.html
I’m attaching this short article on gaslighting. 1, 2, 3, and 8 is what I hear a lot. Except 1 is “no one thinks like you” and 2 is “you’re being defensive”
I have no idea what to do. I can’t bring up why this bothers me, because then it’s just that I’m pointing the finger at her. So we can’t talk about it, and it’s not something you can just agree to disagree and we both live on this way as assholes towards each other. And we will not get a divorce.