what’s your favourite joke?

26 comments

1. [removed]

2. How people are so influenced by media that they literally will do anything for what comes out the television.

3. Republicans.

4. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

   Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

   😀

5. The whole notion of “fairness”

6. Q: Why do women have legs?

   A: So they don’t leave slime trails everywhere

7. I got a perfect knock-knock joke but you have to start it

8. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

9. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

   One’s a little lighter.

10. Why did the bicycle fall over?

    ​

    ​

    It was Two-Tired.

11. That we believe our elected officials actually care about us.

12. Two bytes meet walking down the street. The first says “You look really sick.” The other says “No, I’m just a bit off.”

13. A man walks into a bar and says “OW!!”

14. Do Mohels get paid for circumcisions?

    No, they just keep the tips

15. This is one my uncle told me he learned from his time in the Navy.

    The United States titles their warships as “U.S.S”, or “United States Ship.” The British title theirs as “HMS”, or “Her Majesty’s Ship.” The Italians label theirs as “AMB.”

    “Attsa My Boat”

16. What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

    The wheelchair.

17. A cop pulls over an elderly woman and upon running her information sees she has a concealed carry permit. After inquiring as to if she has any weapons it turns out she had a 9mm in the glove box, a .38 in the center console, and a .45 in her purse. The cop asks her, “What are you so afraid of?”

    She replies, ” Not a fucking thing.”

18. What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

    *gagging noises*

19. What is the worst thing a nuclear physicist can say?

    Oops!

20. Joe

21. It varies from day to day, but right now it’s after someone asks me if I’m alright? I say “Nope, I’m not all right. I’m only half-right, and the rest is what’s left.”

22. I have a series of cow jokes.

    What do you call a cow with three legs?
    -a tri-tip
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    -lean beef
    What do you call a cow with one leg?
    -a steak
    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    -ground beef

23. Two dyslexics walk into a bra….

24. What’s the difference between being hungry and being horny?

    Where you put the cucumber.

25. A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, “A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please.” So they proceed to drink. They keep drinking all evening. Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender points at the giraffe and shouts out, “Hey! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The guy replies “That’s not a lion… it’s a giraffe.”

26. Why was the Guitarists arrested?

    He was caught fingering A minor.

    Said by the quiet kid in my 8th grade English class.