hi, hopefully this ok to post here. so i’ve been seeing this girl for 6 months or so now. when we progressed enough in our relationship to get to sex, she was always self conscious about how long she took to orgasm. initially when we would fool around she would take care of me, then i’d focus on her but she’d call me off after a while and say she was tapping out.
eventually she started to be able to orgasm with me, but only if she touched herself on her own, and she was still self conscious about how long it took her (maybe 10-15 minutes which i always tell her something along the lines of ‘you’re fine no worries, do not even worry about the time’)while we’re fooling around in bed i’ll finger her/go down on her/use her vibrator, but eventually she’ll always take over to finish herself off.
this has been a point of frustration for her because she says she can orgasm super fast if she’s on her own, and it feels great — while when she’s with me it takes her a while and doesn’t feel as good.from what she’s said the build up still feels good, and she enjoys being sexually intimate, and she gets super wet, it’s just the orgasm that’s frustrating for her and a damper on the experience sometimes. and then she also says that sometimes it’s too sensitive and she loses it.
i know an orgasm isn’t necessarily the end goal of sex, (and i never try to pressure her to orgasm or to hurry up or anything) but i still feel bad that she’s able to take care of me so easily, then it’s so tough for me to do the same for her. all i want to do is reciprocate what she does for me and ensure she’s having a good time
i do think she’s dealing with some mental aspects to this. sometimes she’ll apologize bc her vibrator sounds loud (it doesn’t) or bc she’s moaning too much (she’s not) but i always tell her that literally none of that bothers me and that im having a blast. so i do think she’s getting ‘stuck in her head’ in a way. that being said i do think there are things i could do to ‘set the mood’ more, at least when we’re at my place. but she she still has frustrating orgasms no matter whose place we’re at
she’s so beautiful and means the world to me so i want to make sure i’m doing my best, i just don’t know what to do to help 🙁 i know i shouldn’t think this but there’s part of me that’s like ‘shit, is it me? am i the problem?? could i be better at this???’
she never blames me, but she does get mad at herself because of everything mentioned above, and frustrated in general because she wants to be able to have good orgasms with me
also by no means am i trying to say im perfect at sex or anything i know there are things i could improve on sexually as well, which i am working on
thx for reading my wall of text, and if anyone has any suggestions or experience with stuff like this i would greatly appreciate it