I tend to be shy about sex, but over the last few years, despite kids and life, I’ve opened up a lot more and have communicated what I like and ask questions to my husband- like what kind of fantasies does he have, what I like (more noises, dirty talk, mild bdsm, touchmy boobs/ass, etc). The questions are never reciprocated and besides the first few times when dating, he’s never asked me how it was for me or if I got off. There’s been times where I turn him on with foreplay- touching him, bj, etc, and then he goes straight to PIV without really touching me. I’ve pointed this out in the past, we’ve done the mojo quiz (in which he’s brought nothing new despite new matching activitied and I refuse to because of this isssue).
I bought restraints and used them on him and verbally told him in Oct ‘I want to be tied up’. I put on lingerie, ive put on music to set the mood, and I feel like I’m constantly putting myself out there. There’s been a few times where he has played a more dominant character, but it’s few and far between, and 99% of the time he’s completely silent. I’ve told him when he speaks or moans, that I can get off almost immediately from that, but still basically dead silence.
He’s brought up our frequency was not enough, so we’ve since successfully scheduled sex and I’ve been meeting that desire of his. I’ve lost 50 lbs and am not the fittest I’ve ever been. He’s pretty vanilla but receptive to whatever I’ve brought into the bedroom (every toy we have is ones that I’ve bought.
I’ve had trouble speaking about this to him after the initial “I really like when you do this”, I think because he works a lot and does a lot for our family and don’t want him to stress that our bedroom life is awful, and it’s not- it’s decent, but I’m tired of bringing everything to the table.
He owes me 50$ of something (dinner, whatever I decide) after he lost a bet with me and I’m thinking of using that as an idea to introduce him bringing something to the bedroom- like buy me lingerie or a toy, or ‘set the stage’.
How do I talk to him about this?