Growing up my dad was a workaholic but otherwise easygoing, affectionate and emotionally supportive and we were pretty close. I believed we had a lot in common. A while back he got married again to an extremely controlling woman. She exercises extreme control of his finances, is always present on phone calls, and generally limits access. I have witnessed her berating him with extreme vitriol and it was shocking to see because she outwardly is quiet and has a soft voice. He’s said she rages and has several personalities, and I know he’s afraid of and has raged against her, but then defends her as basically a good person. Any criticisms of her or him backfire badly, though he’s criticized her often. In general, he’s a much much angrier, more sullen depressed, anxious person. He was once financially generous but is bizarrely hostile to myself and siblings and extremely frugal on money matters in particular – though I never bring it up. He’s become generally hostile to his children in passive aggressive ways – short, rude phone calls, harsh stares, emotional distance, offering money (not requested) but not giving. I can’t express how weirdly obsessed he is that his children and even grandchildren keep working and not spend frivolously even though we’re adults and her adult children don’t work. It’s disgusting. He is a far cry from his former relaxed, easygoing self. I know she’s abusing him, but he’s often emotionally abusing his children. I’m very angry with him at this point and ready to stop communicating because he just continues his abuse, apologizing for it, then continuing.
TLDR My (m43) dad (m72) has become emotionally abusive to his own children since marrying his goldigging, abusive controlling wife (f61)