Hi,
Let me start saying that: I was raised religiously conservative, so I was not sexually experienced before marriage. More details: I knew what a female orgasm is and satisfied myself rubbing my clit etc. Also, I had oral sex before marriage, so I only abstain from penetration until marriage. Also, I was educating myself on sex, sexuality and female anatomy for feminist reasons. So, I was quite knowledgable on the matter beforehand. It’s not like I am clueless.
It’s been almost 2 years from my first penetration. Although I had only one sexual partner (my husband, 34M) so far, I got no complaints about him. He’s loving, centle, caring, exciting and giving in bed. He takes great pleasure by giving me pleasure, and loves and enjoys performing cunnilingus (and he’s good at it). I consider myself on that front. However, I don’t like penetration and it really makes sex boring and annoying for me. It started painful and I get that bc of hymen and everything, but it’s still there (and yes we always lubricate, a lot). It’s not like vaginusmus, I don’t feel constant pain, only the first 10 seconds when he first penetrates and it’s not like great unbearable pain, but it’s enough to turn me off. Even after pain goes away, it’s just boring. I feel nothing like really plain old nothing. No pleasure, no excitement, not even tingling feeling, nothing. Not even when I try to stimulate my clit w/ my hand simultaneously. That’s even worse bc my hands just get tired after a while for nothing.
After almost two years, it’s still the same and this is so frustrating. This makes me not like sex and sometimes even avoid it. My husband is nice person in bed. When he realizes I’m in pain or bored, he’s turned off. Most of the time, he doesn’t even initiate anything bc he knows I don’t enjoy. Sometimes he even refuses my initiatives bc he knows I’m doing it just for him and it’s practically a chore for me (even though I try to pretend otherwise). This affects not only our sex life but overall happiness. Especially my husband bc he’s got quite a sex-drive. This really bothers me as a partner and mostly for myself.
Btw, I have a retroverted uterus and I know that penetration can be painful/uncomfortable for women like me. But it’s just not that. I researched extensively. I tried different suggested and shallow positions. Not helpful. Not even tingling sensation when it’s not painful. Only 10 seconds pain and then nothing. I don’t expect having orgasm during penetration, cunnilingus is more than enough for me. I just want to feel something if not enjoying.
What can I do?