I (28 F) got married to my husband (33M) in February 22. It was a long distance marriage until October 23, when I came to live where he lives. I have anxiety so I always feared cheating and needed a lot of reassurance constantly. I loved him dearly, when we came for a family trip to Toronto, he handed his phone to make a call. I saw an app called textnow, I saw few texts, hookup related texts. I managed to take screenshots of 3 chats. One was of the time he’s in Toronto. Last we visited Toronto in October when I landed in Canada. He went for a conference on 14th August for the blind people and stayed in hotel. The person messaged him last in October thanking him and let him know when he comes to the town again. When we visited in December recently, he called the person, when he came back from his USA trip. And on Friday, I had plans with my friend around 7pm, I was packing to go as we were planning to stay at his uncle’s a weird text popped up with different noise, I overheard was sorry you’ll have to figure it out and he swiped it away. After that he took the phone in shower which he rarely does. Anyways so chat with this person said that he’s visiting Toronto asking the person if he wants to hangout for an hour around 6pm. The person asked where he’s staying? He said north York in someone’s condo (we’re living in his sister’s condo in north York). Person asked same hotel (when he went for conference his conference he stayed at a hotel in north York). Person asked him if he’s hanging out to hookup, my husband said yes. I called this person, turns out it’s a guy and he claims he doesn’t know him or anyone like this.
The second text was from Newfoundland where we live, it was about do you c*m quick, I’m waiting I left light in driveway open, I want to ride your c*CK need it in many places. Third number was asking to hangout as the person is in mood to bottom. I got to know bottom is a LGBT sexual term.
According to my husband he never had any relationships before neither he was involved with anyone for sex. I believed as he didn’t know how to open a br* or couldn’t find my opening. But our sex life was dead. When we tried he had performance anxiety and it was hard to hold e*ect*on. He said it’s performance anxiety, and needed time. I’m just so confused. I confronted him, he said it’s not him, his number got synced with a prostitute, he was out with his friends, his sister dropped him around 5.30 pm for train, he was in train and then his friends picked him up, he showed text of his friend of coming. He did get a call from his friend who I know in front of me to hangout. He said he’s religious can’t do anything as such and constantly repeating he didn’t do anything wrong didn’t cheat on me. When I told him it’s a guy, he lost it and said he wants to divorce me, he’s blaming he’s never happy with me. He said he can’t explain the matching timelines but his app glitched it’s not him, the number got synced with a prostitutes number.
I need answers as I can’t stop blaming myself that I’m a bad wife.
If he was gay, why did he marry me? No one forced him to marry
The people who he texted claim they don’t know anyone who’s legally blind or anyone with his name
His family is blaming me calling me skeptical and person with mental illness
I need closure, I loved him so much
Please let me know what’s the reality and help me how I can get closure as he’s saying I’m accusing him.
Imp points:
I know I did wrong snooping his phone don’t bash me on that.
If anything in my post is offensive for the LGBTQ+ community, I sincerely apologize.
We couldn’t have penetrative sex as we both were clueless about it extremely, he would jerk off as we wouldn’t find opening and was done really quick
During foreplayhe didn’t rub my c**t or feel my b**bs ( I thought it’s because my size is small or he’s shy) after that he didn’t di detailed foreplay
He’s religious, gets up for morning prayer himself. Was really excited for marriage he took a huge risk to come to my home country to marry me.
He hardly initiated until I asked, hardly expressed love and there was an emotional disconnect
He’s legally blind
I need closure, idk if app synced his number with someone else, if it was him, if he’s gay I just need answers as I’m spiraling
Edit: before all this I had a conversation with him about being gay, as a counsellor I went to suspected it. He said he prays even morning prayer which I even can’t get up for and in west people just want to make it normal. He goes to gym is well built, very concerned about his body. I thought maybe it’s because of his dad. He claimed he’s not gay. Idk I’m just confused about people who he’s hooked up with claiming they don’t know him or anyone legally blind. Is it normal in the west not to accept all of this?