I (34f) have been with my boyfriend (25m) for a year. We have been sexually active for 7 months and I’ve not once made him cum. Not with sex, not with oral, and not with my hands.
I’m overweight (5’6″, 180ish lbs). I’m very insecure so I keep my shirt on and the lights out during sex. I know that’s very boring, but I’m working on losing weight to boost my self esteem.
I always thought he might have death grip syndrome and when I talked to him about it he agreed that might be it. He also told me sex doesn’t make him cum. He said before me, it had been 5 years since he had sex.
I recently found out he was lying to me about looking at porn and about his fetishes. He was even talking to people online about how he wanted to fuck them and jerk off to them. I always assumed he looked at porn and just didn’t want to admit it. He told me before I found out the truth that he thought looking at porn is like cheating because it’s imagining having sex with another person. I was so open with him, and made it clear that I was okay with looking at porn but he still lied to me for a year.
I try to be very understanding and I’m completely honest with him. The one thing I asked him not to do when we got together is lie to me. This has been so very painful but we’re trying to work through it. When i found out about the lies, I asked if any of his previous partners made him cum during sex and he said they did. He then went on to deny ever saying sex doesn’t make him cum .
I told him I think I’m just fat, ugly, and bad in bed. He then got angry, broke something in his house and proceeded to get drunk.
I feel so awful, hurt and unattractive. He says he’s attracted to me and he becomes very upset when I doubt his attraction for me. What should I do?