I’m seeking help from others that may have had this issue or struggle w it still. I feel a little like Chandler from friends…I often make a joke about things and really haven’t been able to control it. Most of my humor can be innocuous. Puns, irony, dad jokes, etc. However, I sometimes make crude, dark, sarcastic, or “ribbing” or slight insult jokes that can be hurtful.
I’m the friend my friends warn new people about. It probably goes something like this: “this guy is great. You’re gonna love him once you get to know him. He makes a lot of jokes and doesn’t mean anything by them. He only jokes w people he loves.” I used to take a little pride in the fact that I came w a warning label. I should have seen this as a red flag about my “personality,” but I was proud. What a jerk I am.
I would always say people are too sensitive or don’t understand humor to justify my behavior. I realize this was wrong and I can’t keep doing this. I think far too many people didn’t know me well enough to know I was joking. The inverse of that is what’s more important. I didn’t know people well enough to make these sort of jokes. They were offended or hurt. Most of the time I didn’t even know. I really regret this oversight. I really do care and would never want to hurt anyone. The next question is are these jokes ever ok…
As I wonder why I’m like this, I think I lack confidence, and this is a way for me to be involved and “entertaining” in a group setting. To maybe be a lead in the group and not a wall flower.
This humor has cost me jobs, friendships, relationships, hurt people I care about.
Most recently it has cost me a relationship w a girl I love dearly. I’m hoping I can win her back but I just don’t know. I don’t know if she can hold on while I make much needed changes.
I have to figure out how to become a more in tune/aware/sensitive person. I can’t keep letting this haunt me like it has done for life. I have to make a habit of not making or thinking of the next punchline.
I’m genuinely asking for help…books, courses, articles, videos, experiences, thoughts. Even encouragement.
It’s time to quit ignoring this major fault of mine and fix it.