Some context first, sorry if it’s too long. I’m a 30 y/o guy with some pretty serious social anxiety (?) issues (I hesitate to label it as social anxiety because I have no professional diagnosis or anything, I just feel very anxious in certain social situations).
I’m pretty short (5’2”) and for the better part of my childhood and teenage years I was relentlessly bullied for it. It did a number on my self-image and self-esteem, to the point where I became depressed and very anxious.
I think I can manage to even come across as confident when I’m in professional settings, I can be outgoing and even sorta charming when I’m at work, but I get incredibly nervous in more social settings, like making new friends or meeting new people. I literally panic and freeze when I try to talk to a girl or a guy I like (I’m bi); like freeze to the point where I practically become a mannequin; like freeze to the point that once a girl actually told me “god, just say something” after like a minute of me gaping silently like a fish.
So as you can see I’m a pretty solitary guy and I don’t particularly like it. I’ve taken up doing exercise as a way to keep my mind busy and mostly guard off suicidal thoughts. As a result, I’ve gotten somewhat fit, and I think I could actually be considered attractive if I weren’t 5’2”. You would assume working out would somehow improve some of my confidence issues, but it really doesn’t. if anything, I might confident about what I can lift or what I can do physically, but that doesn’t carry over to any other aspects of my life.
Anyways, I have a solo trip coming up in a couple of weeks, and I just want, for one night, to have fun the way people that don’t have a nasty voice whispering discouraging shit living in their heads do. I want to go dancing, talk to people, maybe dance with a girl or a guy (I’m not saying hooking up because that’s just being too optimistic about what I can realistically accomplish at this point). But I know that if I go to a night club, my first instinct will be to hold a glass or my phone like a crutch and retreat to a corner of the room without actually managing to interact with anyone. I just don’t want to be the guy who freezes anymore.
So, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on what to do once I get at the club, any tips you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Again, I’m not really looking to pick up, just to have fun, interact with people, dance and not be just a fly on the wall that bobs his head while clutching his drink.
Also, I should add that I don’t really drink alcohol, so please don’t suggest I get drunk to loosen up. I know it feels like I’m asking for the stars but any pointers would really help.
TL;DR: I’m a very insecure guy and just want some tips to have fun one night alone at a night club.