The title is kinda vague so please bear with me as I elaborate.
As it says, I’m 18, so I don’t think my friends are cut out to advise me in this case. So, I’ll be in your care.
This does not come as an intense surprise; I’ve long suspected.
It was back in the days of COVID-19 (2020), my dad is a frontline worker so there was no WFM for him. My mother is a homemaker (well, more of a homewrecker now).
I assume, like everyone she was bored and wanted to connect with people. One of these connections was an old acquaintance \[48? M\] of hers. With time, they grew close and evidently became friends. Now I’m all for platonic friendship, so I didn’t really bat an eye. My dad as well is progressive beyond his age and didn’t seem to mind. But, the thing was they spoke a lot, an odd amount. My dad works 10 hour shifts so he wasn’t around to see how much they spoke. It was odd considering that the man in question also has a job and that she only really spoke to him when my dad wasn’t home. Our school naturally had shifted to online learning, so I was home all the time and could see that she was on the phone with him daily and for long hours. After a while, I noticed that she’d speak with him in her room and lock the door. Oh, I forgot to mention, it wasn’t a normal voice call, they were facetiming. I did think it was odd, but I respect privacy, so didn’t think much of it.
This went on for a long time. I was busy doing teenage stuff to really care that much. Mind you, their friendship wasn’t a secret. But, the moment I began to suspect something was about a year later when he needed to come to our city for a business trip and needed a place to stay for a day. My mother asked my dad and he arranged a place (free of cost). It was a spare apartment a few blocks from ours.
The day he was staying over, as always, my dad was at work. Suddenly, my mother said she’s going over to the grocery which was odd as she rarely did that. I was suspicious so I looked at where she was going, and lo and behold she goes to the apartment where he’s at and it is in the exact opposite direction of the store. I called her with the excuse of *”buy me ice-cream”* and ask her where she’s at. She says she’s on the way to the store while she clearly was not. After she had come back (with groceries) and had left her phone alone, I, while not proud of it, checked her chats with him and found a few messages saying “I love you❤” back and forth.
I confronted her. She seemed shook. I don’t remember exactly what was spoken as I was riddled with anger and grief and was crying. But what I remember clearly is her justification: It wasn’t a romantic thing, and that they were expressing their love for each other as friends and what not.
^(On a personal note, I am not one to use that word lightly. I believed and still do, that I need to feel very strongly about someone for me to say that I love them. So far, only my dog has qualified.)
I did not buy her bullshit, but neither did I have concrete proof to establish she was cheating. So, I didn’t bring this up to dad. At the time, I did believe that there was a possibility that she could be innocent and that I could unnecessarily strain their marriage.
My relationship with her did deteriorate after that, It wasn’t as if I’d fight with her or was outwardly angry with her, I just lost respect for my mother and detached from her.
After the confrontation, she deleted all the chats with him, and they didn’t speak.
A few months later, they somehow reconnected, started talking a little bit, and slowly progressed into the same relationship they had 2 years ago. I was conflicted. I was not certain about anything so I didn’t know how to feel.
That uncertainty is no more.
It was a week ago, I was using her phone to take pictures of my dog being cute. I have a habit of deleting all the sub-par pics and only keeping the best. I accidentally deleted a good one and went to the trash to recover it. A few images down was his nude. I wasn’t surprised. If anything I was surprised at her lack of effort in hiding it.
All this while, I had wanted to convince myself to give her the benefit of doubt. I was disappointed. I don’t know how one is supposed to process this normally, I don’t know what normal is for this case.
Am I supposed to be angry and lash out or am I supposed to be sad at the thought of my family not being the same as it was? I feel no strong emotion as such. I am immature.
While I do hate it, I shared that picture onto my phone, and now at least have some proof.
That is all for the explanation.
Although distorted, as for my current feelings, I do feel that my dad has the right to know. I am not thinking about the consequences as it would be the consequence of her actions, not mine. I do feel bad for my dad. My respect for him is unrivaled and I wish he could have had a better life than this. I do not know the reasons for my mother’s actions, nor do I want to. If she wishes to be so immature in her late 40s, I do not wish to know more about her.
Now as far as advice goes:
* What do I do ? Do I tell her or him? I know for sure how she will act if I confront her. Either she’ll deny it (somehow) or try to guilt-trip me into not telling dad, she is one cunning woman. I am not worried about that. She can’t manipulate me the way she did my 15-year old self.
* Is the nude ***CONCRETE*** proof? Or should I try to find more?
* My dad isn’t here right now, his work entails him to be in a different place for now, He’ll be here for vacation in a while. Do I wait for him to come or not?
PS: The dude also is married and has 3 kids younger than me.
Oh and most of all, my parents have been married for 25 years.