so for starters this isn’t an IRL friend, we met from a discord server with a bunch of other people I either already knew or were acquainted with. We interacted pretty regularly so I’d say we’re close enough, but I think she sees me as a closer friend than i do her.
shes an incredibly sensitive person, and from what I’ve gathered of her past, she’s definitely had her fair share of shit friendships. that i understand entirely, as I have been through that as well.
the problem rises when I learned through my spouse, who is part of that server as well, who learned through someone else in that server, of some of her actions of the recent past.
she has been controlling, and very disregarding and disrespectful of other people’s boundaries, going so far as to send nsfw stuff in a small group chat of others that i know personally (I was not part of this GC) despite being told multiple times to stop.
she seems to have a perchant of sticking herself to those much younger than her, examples being the youngest in that server ranging from 18 to 20, and taking advantage of their kindness and using them as her own personal therapist.
she, before some shit hit the fan which led to her leaving the server in the midst of some sort of episode, tried to cling onto me in a similar fashion, but I was very blunt with my boundaries and if she tried overstepping them I didn’t hesitate on reminding her.
otherwise, beyond the occasional attempts at therapist-ing me and my pushing back, she hasn’t really done anything to me personally like she has the others. most of them have cut contact with her wholesale, and in one particular instance she even came to me about it, but kept it incredibly vague and told me she wouldn’t share who it was or what exactly it was about. i later learned through my spouse that it was the 19 year old.
shes done other stuff, but the primary ones are her being the victim at all times, overstepping boundaries or taking some sort of advantage of those who are not able to properly vocalize their boundaries for any reason and using them as her own personal therapist, leaning on them VERY heavily. she has also done a lot to make herself the center of attention, whether it be going out of her way to make herself sick, boasting about stopping her medication, getting drunk and having some sort of meltdown, that sort of thing. if anyone is “mean” to her, or pokes simple fun over something that isn’t even inherently rude for that matter, she freaks out and loses her temper and throws tantrums. she has also thrown a tantrum that i witnessed upon being “ignored” when others were just talking to each other casually and she kept interjecting and interrupting the conversation on purpose.
she has also made unwanted sexual advances on others, and despite being told to stop, did not. prior to my conversation with my spouse, I didn’t realize she’d done some similar stuff to me if I posted a selfie. the first time, I told her to cool it and that while I was flattered, it was a bit much. second time, she asked if she could compliment me, to which I said yes, and she made another sexual pass at me. i ignored that one.
this is just what i know right now, anyway, and no more finer details beyond what ive listed here.
how do I deal with her? while she hasn’t wronged me outright, I’ve started just feeling uncomfortable with her and how clingy she actually is, now that I realize her behavior. i don’t think she deserves to be scorched off the earth, but I am unsure how to approach her on the subject of her behavior.
any outside opinions are much appreciated, thank you.
TL;DR: a friend has very unsavory, questionable behavior i am just learning about and is not as harmless as she had made herself out to be to me, playing the victim. i am unsure how to approach or deal with the situation.