How does seeing self harm scars on others make you feel?

27 comments

1. I’d feel sad for them that they once found themselves in such a dark place that they felt harming themselves was a way to cope. I’d also feel relieved that that darkness might have passed for them.

   Maybe if I knew that person well, and it was an appropriate moment, I might ask about it

2. The only difference between them and every cunt else is, the scars are on the outside. You never really know what’s gone on in someone’s life.

3. Admiration that they’ve come through some shit serious enough for them to want to physically harm themselves.

4. I leave mine uncovered because I genuinely forget other people might be shocked or interested in them.

   It’s been the catalyst for some wonderful conversations with people, most people are kind and compassionate. I try and let people know im open to conversations and questions about them too, not overtly but if they ask I immediately thank them for having the courage to ask.

5. I feel a bit uneasy but *only* because my ex fiance used to self-harm when he was blacked-out drunk and it just reminds me of that horrible time and seeing the state of his arms when he’d reappear after going missing after his days-long binges.

6. Comfort in that I’m not alone.

7. I have self harm scars and I don’t cover them and don’t mind people asking about them. Seeing healed self harm scars in other people makes me feel empathy for them, and proud of them coming through it. Seeing fresh scars can be quite triggering to me, and although I am extremely sympathetic and would want to help, I generally find I have to distance myself for my own mental health from fresh self harm scars, so I’d probably make an excuse to leave if I was in a room with someone who had them and go and practice some mindfulness.

8. They very personal, I wouldn’t want to stare and make the person feel uncomfortable

9. Not fussed, it’s not my place to judge your past

10. I like seeing healed, faded ones – it’s a sign that their storm has passed and their skies are now calm (& hopefully they’ll stay that way 💙)

11. As someone who has permanent damage to his skin due to a rare skin condition and an accident in the construction industries, Iv got to the pint where I don’t care what other think & I honestly don’t think they have have a thought about it apart from the initial shock. I regards to scars of this kind I don’t mind & am usually happy that people have got past the darkness

12. I would be curious, but never ask. But it would make be wary of that person mental state. Just being honest.

13. i’d probably think “hope they’re ok” but i wouldn’t say anything unless the person brought it up first. def wouldn’t stare or anything

14. I find them very triggering but recognise its my issue not theirs but if I’m honest I’d avoid seeing them if I could. The receptionist at my physio used to have them on show so I jyst changed physio. Her body, her choice. It’s odd because I actively like scars, tattoos and branding it’s the outright reminder of dark times I can’t cope with.

15. I don’t really think anything about them beyond my brain registering that this person has scars.

16. I wouldn’t say a thing.

17. “oh thats a shame” nothing much else unless they want to chat about it

18. I have them but people don’t realise that I’ve done them myself I just say I spilt acid on myself at work if they ask (which is only partly a lie I stole the acid and used it at home)

    People don’t usually go straight to “did you do that to yourself” when they see them but they sometimes ask about it.

    But to answer your question I just see someone who has gone through some stuff I don’t judge I just hope they’re doing better now.

19. I once went to a build a bear shop and one of the staff members serving us had scars all the way up her arms! I just think ‘I’m sorry you had to go through those emotions, bless you’

20. Never seen it on ppl have done it though but stopped it because well it worked temporarily and I didn’t want to become addicted.

21. A bit sick.

22. Not bothered, I work in a prison and easily a third of all the inmates have them.

23. I feel sadness for them. I try not to draw any attention to them and just treat them as normal. Some of mine are very visible – that’s what happens with a butchers knife – but it doesn’t bother me people seeing them.

24. Kind of confused and conflicted. The person I see with scars is my eldest boy. For His younger siblings we could pass it off as ‘ he had a fight with a tiger’. Now they are older .. I’m not so sure that passes .

    Complicated emotions: protectiveness , pity, shame and anger …

25. I’d relate lol but I wouldn’t say anything.

26. It’s part of life. If people feel open at showing what they’ve been through, what sort of awful person would any of us be to make them feel bad about it? I generally don’t feel bad, and I generally don’t feel uncomfortable. I’ve got my own story (that could very much make people feel uncomfortable). I only selectively choose to share, because I think it’s the people who haven’t experienced the bad that have a kind of weakness and inability to empathise, and I’ve chosen to spare them. Anyone who has been through worse, I’m more honest, because they have the experience and understanding. If someone has self-harmed, I usually feel a kinship, If they’re open about it to everyone, they have my ultimate respect.

    You get through the awful and if you’re strong enough to show the scars, then you’re as strong as anyone I’ve ever met. If you are willing to show the most difficult or most delicate parts of what it has been to be you, then you are stronger than most of the people who have had easier lives. The scars are not a negative. They’re a test you passed. An exam, a part of you. You’re comfortable for others to see them. You won.

    Two words in particular stand out.

    You won.

27. I have scars but I was very serious about clean cuts and ensuring they healed well and I kept them meticulously clean. That was 90% of why I did it… to give me something to care for on myself and take care of because nobody else took care of me. Plus I’m old now and scars fade.

    I see people who are literally carved up with, what looks like, frenzied wounds that healed poorly. Sometimes words carved into the skin. I think about how they must have felt in those moments.

    The maternal love in my heart just wants to take them in, tell them that they were always worth looking after, that they didn’t deserve to be hurt by anyone. That they were always good enough.

    I sometimes notice the tiny white-silver shine of scars healed long ago and think about the strength of this person in front of me. The victories they have won. To get so many years removed from a cut and still be here.

    Sometimes i see the deep purple welt of a scar that’s a few weeks old, and I think about that scar turning white. Will you be in a better place then? Will you love yourself the way you deserve to? Will you still be here? You deserve to see that scar turn white. I hope its the last one.

    TL;DR: I do notice them. But I notice them only with love and compassion and a misplaced camaraderie. Also I want to mother you to death.

    Hope you’re doing well, OP.