17 y/o male here.
I’m writing this post out of frustration because I’m in this particular friend group where i’m not really happy. This guy used to keep bullying me these past two years. Really don’t like his rude disrespectful nature. I don’t even feel comfortable talking to my best friend in the group about how the bully makes me feel because they’re very good friends and my best friend will say something like “chill bro, you need to man up”
I was friends with the so-called “bully”.
Fun fact: most of my childhood friends (in school) ended up calling me names and not inviting me to their parties and stuff. Because?
I had vitiligo – a skin disorder which made me look…different. i even had premature gray hair.
Everybody just loved to mock me for it.
I even got mocked for my music taste.
School’s over, but I’m in that friend group(i try not feel unreasonably scared of the messages i get there. I’ve muted but i still feel scared)
Honestly, i don’t even know if he’s bullying me. He may be a really good friend and i may just be overthinking things.
I guess I’ve become really sensitive to what people say now. I genuinely don’t know what to do. Praying to God feels like a scam sometimes.
8 comments
Leave them. Either that or start being disrespectful and mean towards the bully. Find out what his triggers are and poke them.
I’m so sorry you were bullied. This is not ok. Telling you to “man up” is definitely not ok!!! Is this your only group of friends? I would honestly let go of these people.
These aint friends
Men give each other shit. If you get all emotional about you’ll be rejected and mocked. So instead when some one bullies you: “Take his remark either accept it with a smile or agree and amplify.” Otherwise you will not be accepted into the group.
Heya mate.
Life is hard and can be very confusing. Interactions between humans, male to male, male to female ect ect, can be difficult for some and so, so easy for others.
I struggle sometimes, I always feel like the butt of the joke, but in reality im not. Most blokes throw insults around, and iv found that understanding who I am as a person helps clear up any uncertainty in regards to relationships.
No one has a right to put you down, but I would say in a friendly situation it can be acceptable, but you need to own yourself. If they joke about your love of dancing, you let them run with it, add to the flowery comments, then own it and chump them on the dance floor.
Theres nothing wrong with anything.
We live in a day and age where it’s acceptable to be gay, in most countries, it’s acceptable to be straight, and its cool to be kind.
Own what youv got, work out what you are and what you love.
Iv recently heard a cool saying and ill pop it out now.
“We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, we should listen twice as much as we talk”.
Its amazing how silence can change a situation, and no response can be better than a rushed one.
Finally, I would say suicide is such a waste, we all have huge potential and rather than that, try knuckling down and understanding everything. Its all so simply complex.
I have a friend that had that premature gray hair streak thing, he still has it. We are 24 now but he’s had it all his life. He’s probably the most successful friend i have atm. Embrace your flaws, they’re what make us perfect.
I was also bullied within my friend group from middle school up until about junior year of high school for my lack of meat on my bones. I was really self conscious about it, until I wasn’t. I’m still really skinny for my height, pretty sure I’m the same weight as i was back then now. But if you just don’t react to their jokes they will stop making them. It really does work. I also started fighting back and making fun of the things that push their buttons. Find out what they’re insecure about and be relentless.
So nobody wants to be that friend in the group that “can’t take a joke.” This is an issue because everyone else is laughing at these jokes at your expense. You may even laugh with them to diffuse the awkwardness of it all but the downside of this is it could give the impression that you’re cool with it. You are allowed to find what anyone says not funny and have a conversation with them about it. You most likely fear their reaction and how it may affect the friendship but
keep the conversation short, direct and try to highlight how it makes you feel instead of simply blaming the other person.
Whatever happens after that conversation, whatever outcome, at least you took action, spoke up and drew a boundary.
These friendships may continue on but if they don’t you need to know when to walk away. Don’t think twice about friendships where you feel talked about, criticized, made fun of or left out. You’ll soon come to realize this won’t be the last time you’ll have to have this kind of conversation with someone.
Lastly – put yourself first. There’s only one you! How you feel about yourself is much more important than trying to keep someone happy that could probably care less about how you feel. You’re 17 (my favorite number) you’ve got a long life ahead of you and high school is just a phase. These people won’t matter as soon as graduate. You’ll find as you grow older, the amount of “friends” you have will shrink to just a few close friends but it will be for the better!!!!!
Keep your head up my man!!!!
LEAVE THIS GROUP CHAT. I CAN NOT STATE THIS ENOUGH.
leave the group chat. And if someone reaches out to you one on one. You can tell them that you are more than happy to interact with them one one one. But dont want to be part of that group.
And then you completely cut off contact with the main guy. Do not go back even if they apologize. It will not get better. ever. I was in the same situation.
Accept the apology if there is one, but just don’t go back to the group. You can hang out with the better people in the group on an individual level.