Whenever I put proper effort into someone things never work out – they immediately pull back. The moment I act cold and distant with others cuz I’m jaded, people go crazy about me.
This cycle is a curse. “Don’t chase and things will naturally come to you”- so true yet so demoralizing. So people don’t want affection and attention and prefer being treated less than they deserve now just for the thrill of “chasing”? Is that a trend?
When you’re telling yourself “do not chase”, you’re actively taking part in the chasing game by expecting or even manipulating the other person into chasing you. There’s nothing “natural” about it.
I have- unintentionally- hurt people after getting hurt by others and regretted a lot. How do you stop this cycle?
6 comments
I kind of understand where it comes from, you don’t want to be too overbearing or clingy. However, if you genuinely like someone, then you should be free to express it to the other person without being pressured into playing games. Modern dating seems to be rife with this thought of commitment being bad and I’m not quite sure why.
I just made a thread on this two days ago. Same thing.
One thing I’ve landed on in the last couple days is that social media and texting really emphasize the importance of the chase, because it’s just a constant game and analysis of who is more attentive than the other – with much less opportunity for actual chemistry to develop.
So if you cut down on interacting with women through texting or social media – your natural charm and interest/enthusiasm will work much better in your favor than trying to get that to work for you in texting etc.
For instance if I see a girl in person and I ask her out I can smile as I do it, I can seem confident, happy, assertive, chivalrous, clever, witty.
With a text I’m just thirsty.
So I’m pretty much hell-bent against texting women other than very surface simple arranging to meet. Because you’ll find how quickly someone you may feel like is not even in your league is now ghosting you just cause texting makes us overthink like apes on cocaine and it becomes very easy to get agitated and come off as too available even when you’re not in reality.
I mean there’s a difference between “chase” and being “pushy”, which one are you?
Nothing is more cool than détachement in this time. I hate it here 😭
Honestly, it’s all generalizations. What seems like push and pull, is just learning what people like and don’t like.
There’s no handbook for dating any given person, without it being deeply rooted in love languages and psychology, and probably being longer than the sum of A Song of Ice and Fire.
I don’t like gifts, unless it’s food. If someone on the first date showed up with a gift, I’d feel like it’s manipulation. Now, someone who does like gifts, might also show up to the date with one of their own, and all the sudden their connection is 10 times stronger between two gift lovers.
>How do you stop this cycle?
By not dating