I’ve done therapy for about 5 months now. Over the past couple weeks it’s been rough and I’ve had lots of bad days. She told me that it’s starting to get intense and she feels like a caretaker, which was not my intention and I guess I didn’t consider her feelings about it. She says that we’ve only been talking about heavy topics 80% of the time for the past couple weeks and it’s concerning, and she would also like to talk about lighter topics. I know how to support myself but I guess I didn’t realize how much it was impacting her. She told me i wasn’t doing anything wrong and I didn’t have to apologize or fix anything, but it was still concerning to her. I’m well aware of how to support myself, but now I’m a little afraid to go to her. So I’m not sure how to feel?
Tl;dr: am I being Too intense with my feelings?
Tl;dr: I a
3 comments
I don’t think she intended to tell you not to come to her with things. But what it sounds like she is saying is that there need to be other topics of discussion in your relationship beyond the heavy topics with the occasional more light hearted topic. She’s raising this now so that you two can work on it and prevent it from becoming an issue.
It sounds like she understands therapy is bringing up a lot for you and she wants to be supportive. But you also need to start being proactive in differentiating between near constant focus on the heavier things and a balance of heavy and enjoyable things.
If you’re not sure how, talking this over with your therapist may help.
You can’t use your gf as a therapist. You already have a therapist, so talk about this with your therapist. If you are spending 80% of the time you are with your gf talking about your trauma, that is a lot. Dial this back, a lot.
I had a very traumatic childhood and some awful past relationships. At the beginning of my new relationship I shared some of my experiences with my new bf.
At a certain point I realized it was too much. He loves me and it hurt him to hear what I had been through. I decided not to share any more with him. He understands why I do certain things and why some topics are sensitive for me.
I’m a little older (48f) so I’ve had some time to work on myself. I still feel tremendous pain at times but am far better able to cope with it than I was at 33.